As A Man Thinketh

Transformation: The Myth of Prison: The Truth of Freedom

2009-02-19T06:11:00.000-08:00

by Melani Ward

There's an old story that goes something like this.

There was a man who had been imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit. He was determined to get out so he attempts to dig his way to freedom with a spoon. (Think ancient Shawshank Redemption).

Anyway, he digs day and night and after years of bone-wearying struggle, his hands all calloused and bloody, he finally realizes his efforts are worthless and he gives up. With a face full of tears and constriction in his throat as he imagines living out his days in prison, he leans back on the door of his cell, only to discover it was unlocked all along.

I swear I still get chills whenever I hear that story.

Okay so maybe there never was a guy who tried to dig out of prison with a spoon but the point is clear - the prison that you imagine constrains you doesn't really exist.

You see the only thing that creates a feeling of imprisonment is our own minds. Our minds are capable of enormous flights of fancy but here's the truth: the one who tries with everything in their power to escape the prison is actually the prison itself.

Why does this topic matter today?

Well it seems very timely considering where everyone's minds seem to be taking them these days. I hear clients, friends and family changing their language and changing their thinking based on what they hear in the news or read in the papers on a daily basis.

More than ever I hear "I can't do this because....". "What if I do this or that and such and such happens?" "I have to get out of this situation or I'm going to..."

Those are phrases that create prisons.

The reality is that we cannot have an idea unless we also have the capacity to realize it present at the same time.

That's true freedom.

The only limitations we put on ourselves or on our life come from within. They come from the thoughts we have and the stories we tell ourselves about the thoughts we're having. But when you really become aware of what your mind is doing, while you are still going to have certain thoughts that create some unpleasant emotions, the difference is that now you are not going to believe the story your mind generates to accompany the sensations you're having to be you or to be true.

Most people operate at an unconscious level as though their thoughts choose them...as though they "can't help how they think" but this is actually not true. Thoughts may pop into your head that aren't that "great" according to you but YOU get to decide what you will do with that thought, just as you get to decide how you will react to everything you experience in your life. Remember, you aren't the thinker.

Your thoughts, and more importantly the stories you tell yourself about them, have the ability to impose profound limitations as well as infinite freedom.

Which do you choose?

I'll leave you with this quick poem from Rumi, the Persian mystic poet.

I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside!

What freedom can you open yourself up to today?

About the Author

Find out what storyteller might be keeping you stuck at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a multi-passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, marketer, lifestyle coach, writer, and athlete! She helps women entrepreneurs attract ideal clients and a lot of money doing work they LOVE.

Article Source: Content for Reprint

Transform Your Life: Where Are You Hanging Out?

2009-02-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

by Melani Ward

I worked with a client along time ago when I was a counselor who loved to hang out in whatever drama she could create. Sometimes it was drama about her mom, sometimes her house, sometimes it was her "illness", and sometimes it was just the fact that her cable guy was late. No matter what was going on, she chose to hang in what I call "the muck of life".

Some people become masters of this space. In fact, they will go to great lengths to maintain muck because this is what they know how to do. The mind, the ego actually loves this space. It loves having a problem to solve or an issue to work out. It's the "why me", "this isn't it", "if only", "but", "this is horrible" and "this is just the way I am" voice in the head.

Psychologically there are a million explanations for why we do this and why some people do it more than others (family of origin, significant life events, self-worth, etc.) but none of them really matter because explanations aren't solutions.

It really comes down to percentages and I'll take the current economic situation as an example. The economy and even more so the negative energy about the economy seems to have so many people focused on the muck of life.

They are worried, anxious, fearful, on edge, and they are carrying their beliefs about their bank account and stock portfolios into every area of their life. It is impacting their relationships, their self-esteem, their sex lives, their work and how they interact in the world.

Don't get me wrong, we've certainly had better times (and we certainly will again) and there are some people who have immediate concerns and changes to deal with but there are many people who are making conscious choices to hang out in the 5-10% percent that is "bad".

How does this help? Well aside from giving your mind a problem to work on, it doesn't. And why, when you have so many other things to be grateful for in your life, would you choose to hang out in this space. You have the other 95% of you who wants you to pull up a chair and stay a while.

So, what do you do when you find yourself hanging out in that 5-10% that is not going the way you would like whether it involves your work, your family, your relationships, your money, or your health?

The best remedy I know of is spending time in the space of gratitude. When my mind starts sitting down to a pity party, as soon as I am aware of it, which generally depends on how committed I am to having the pity party, I remind myself that not only do I have the time to have the party but I also have the awareness about it which means I already have something pretty good going for me.

It doesn't take long then before I realize that my breath is coming from a strong and healthy body that has food in it's stomach. I am sitting in a heated and furnished home in my favorite chair. I hear my 2 year old playing with her blocks in the next room. There's coffee in the pot and a message from my friend on my machine. You get the point.

So, the next time you find yourself hanging out in the less than happy percentage, remember that your current moment of now is wonderful and great and worthy of celebration. Abundance surrounds you and you are one of the luckiest people on the planet. There is perfection in imperfection and as long as you are alive and breathing in and out in this moment, you are fine.

Why not use your energy to hang out here for a while instead?

About the Author

Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.

Article Source: Content for Reprint

The Daffodil Principle

2009-02-17T04:35:00.000-08:00

My sweet, darling daughter who had never given me a minute of difficulty in her whole life was suddenly in charge -- and she was kidnapping me! I couldn't believe it. Like it or not, I was on the way to see some ridiculous daffodils -- driving through the thick, grey silence of the mist-wrapped mountaintop at what I thought was risk to life and limb. I muttered all the way. After about twenty minutes we turned onto a small gravel road that branched down into an oak-filled hollow on the side of the mountain. The Fog had lifted a little, but the sky was lowering, grey and heavy with clouds. We parked in a small parking lot adjoining a little stone church. From our vantage point at the top of the mountain we could see beyond us, in the mist, the crests of the San Bernardino range like the dark, humped backs of a herd of elephants. Far below us the fog-shrouded valleys, hills, and flatlands stretched away to the desert. On the far side of the church I saw a pine-needle-covered path, with towering evergreens and manzanita bushes and an inconspicuous, hand-lettered sign "Daffodil Garden." We each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path as it wound through the trees.

The mountain sloped away from the side of the path in irregular dips, folds, and valleys, like a deeply creased skirt. Live oaks, mountain laurel, shrubs, and bushes clustered in the folds, and in the grey, drizzling air, the green foliage looked dark and monochromatic. I shivered. Then we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight, unexpectedly and completely splendid. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes where it had run into every crevice and over every rise. Even in the mist-filled air, the mountainside was radiant, clothed in massive drifts and waterfalls of daffodils. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety ( I learned later that there were more than thirty-five varieties of daffodils in the vast display) was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. In the center of this incredible and dazzling display of gold, a great cascade of purple grape hyacinth flowed down like a waterfall of blossoms framed in its own rock-lined basin, weaving through the brilliant daffodils.

A charming path wound throughout the garden. There were several resting stations, paved with stone and furnished with Victorian wooden benches tubs of coral and carmine tulips. As though this were not magnificence enough, Mother Nature had to add her own grace note -- above the daffodils, a bevy of western bluebirds flitted and darted, flashing their brilliance. These charming little birds are the color of sapphires with breasts of magenta red. As they dance in the air, their colors are truly like jewels above the blowing, glowing daffodils. The effect was spectacular. It did not matter that the sun was not shining. The brilliance of the daffodils was like the glow of the brightest sunlit day. Words, wonderful as they are, simply cannot describe the incredible beauty of that flower-bedecked mountain top.

Five acres of flowers! (This too I discovered later when some of my questions were answered.) "But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn. I was overflowing with gratitude that she brought me -- even against my will. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. "Who?" I asked again, almost speechless with wonder, "and how, and why, and when?" "It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house, my mind buzzing with questions. On the patio we saw a poster. " Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read.

The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman, two hands, two feet, and very little brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958." There it was. The Daffodil Principle.

For me that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than thirty-five years before, had begun -- one bulb at a time -- to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. One bulb at a time. There was no other way to do it. One bulb at a time. No shortcuts -- simply loving the slow process of planting. Loving the work as it unfolded. Loving an achievement that grew so slowly and that bloomed for only three weeks of each year. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.

This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principle of celebration:

learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time - often just one baby-step at a time -- learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

"Carolyn," I said that morning on the top of the mountain as we left the haven of daffodils, our minds and hearts still bathed and bemused by the splendors we had seen,

"it's as though that remarkable woman has needle-pointed the earth! Decorated it.

Just think of it, she planted every single bulb for more than thirty years. One bulb at a time! And that's the only way this garden could be created. Every individual bulb had to be planted. There was no way of short-circuiting that process.

Five acres of blooms. That magnificent cascade of hyacinth! All, just one bulb at a time."

The thought of it filled my mind. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the implications of what I had seen. "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"

My wise daughter put the car into gear and summed up the message of the day in her direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said with the same knowing smile she had worn for most of the morning. Oh, profound wisdom!

It is pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson a celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use tomorrow?"

Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards

He Who Knows

2009-02-16T16:41:00.000-08:00

He who knows not and knows not he knows not, He is a fool - Shun him.
He who knows not and knows he knows not, He is simple - Teach him.
He who knows and knows not he knows, he is asleep - Awaken him.
He who knows and knows that he knows, He is wise - Follow him.

-Bruce Lee

There Are Hundreds Of Paths Up The Mountain

2009-02-16T16:18:00.000-08:00

There are hundreds of paths up the mountain,
all leading in the same direction,
so it doesn't matter which path you take.
The only one wasting time is the one
who runs around and around the mountain,
telling everyone that his or her path is wrong.

Hindu teaching

Mantra from the Dalai Lama

2009-02-16T10:36:00.000-08:00

Just a short Buddhist outlook on life.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements
involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a
wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great
friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate
steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think
back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your
life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current
situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love
for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get
it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

I also know that dreams really do come true and you have my Best Wishes and my best efforts in those.

"Seven Blunders of the World"

2009-02-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

1. Wealth without work

2. Pleasure without conscience

3. Knowledge without character

4. Commerce without morality

5. Science without humanity

6. Worship without sacrifice

7. Politics without principle

—Mahatma Gandhi

Instantaneous Transformation: 4 Tips for Becoming More Selective in Your Life

2009-02-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

by Melani Ward

It has been my experience that one of the keys to happiness in my business and in all areas of my life, is to be selective about what I allow into it. This does not mean I demand perfection - I only get to do that when I am perfect and I'm not holding my breath on that one.

However, life feels pretty short to me as evidenced by the fact that my daughter, who was born yesterday, is actually days away from being two and a half years old! So, I choose to fill what time I have with great people, motivated clients, wonderful friends and a whole lot of joy.

I do this by being selective. And, as someone who spent nearly 30 years being quite indiscriminate, I can tell you that the past 7 years of selectivity have been a whole lot better.

Still, changing your mindset takes work so I want to share some ideas that helped me transform my life instantaneously:

1. Pay attention to what you say to yourself. The words you say in your head have tremendous power. Be kind. Treat yourself like the beautiful, unique and wonderful person you are. Think of yourself as a child and never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your son, daughter, niece or neighbor. The kinder you are to yourself, the more you will expect and demand that others treat you the same way. If you work with people who treat you poorly or you have friends or family in your life who are unkind to you, break it off or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

2. Protect your mind. I used to be a news junkie. I taught current affairs for several years so keeping my ear to all of the media stations was a habit. I watched MSNBC, CNBC, CNN, BBC, read the Economist, Newsweek, NYT, and scanned the Internet every chance I got. When I left that job, I dropped it all cold turkey. In fact, I'm pretty certain I didn't pick up a newspaper or watch the news for 6 months. The shift I experienced was amazing. I was so much happier, less tense and less worried. It had become such a habit that I didn't realize how negatively all of the noise, drama and conflict were impacting me. In fact, I thought I was being a great "citizen" by keeping up with every last development.

It's difficult to stay away from the drama of negative people, TV shows, the news and the Internet but the dominant side of your attitude is the one you feed the most. So, do your best to eliminate this type of negativity from your life. Go on a "low-information diet" for at least a week as an experiment. (Idea taken from Tim Ferriss's book The 4-Hour Work Week). See how much you can cut out and then evaluate what you missed (likely you will not miss a thing) and how much better you feel as a result of it.

That information alone may encourage you to look at it as a way of life instead of a just a temporary diet.

3. Replace negative with positive. It's not enough to just get rid of the negative. Fill that space with positive people, books, and activities on a daily basis. I know some people who work themselves to the bone all day and then come home and watch worthless hours of TV and wonder why they feel tired, depressed and anxious. Our lives are busy but sometimes we equate watching TV with doing nothing when in fact, it is impacting us unconsciously. So, try this experiment for the next week: Whenever you spend time with someone, read a book or magazine, watch TV, or participate in any activity ask yourself this question: Do I feel better or worse now? Did this activity produce feelings of joy and positive energy or am I emotionally exhausted, anxious, and/or more stressed than I was before?

4. When it comes to relationships, set your own rules of engagement. You don't have to put up with bad clients, draining friends and constant conflict with your significant others. If you are kind and generous and do your part to create positive and loving relationships, you deserve the same in return. If you are not getting it, change it. Fire your client, talk with your friend, discuss your concerns with your spouse or partner. Tell them how you feel, how you perceive your interaction together and what you need to feel good about the relationship. If it's worth saving, do whatever it takes to move forward with it; however, if it becomes clear that this relationship is going to cause you constant stress or anxiety, take care of yourself and get out of it as soon as possible so that you can place your time and energy on those people in your life that bring you the most joy.

The people who are most unhappy in this world are the ones who believe they are the victims. Life does not happen to us. We have control over what we do, what we do with the thoughts we think, and with whom and what we interact. Be selective with what you allow into your life and if you are unhappy with something, take control and change it. You deserve to surround yourself with love and joy and what is most important to you.

About the Author

Article Source: Content for Reprint

Meditation in Five Minutes or Less

2009-02-15T12:39:00.002-08:00

Motivational Quotes~Truly Inspiring

2009-02-15T12:30:00.000-08:00

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put the foundation under them.
-- Henry David Thoreau

Kites rise highest against the wind; not with it.
-- Sir Winston Churchill

You cannot raise a man up by calling him down.
-- William Boetcker

Leadership is doing what is right when no one is watching.
-- George Van Valkenburg

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
-- Plato

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
-- Lewis Grizzard

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
-- Robert Frost

When you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
-- Charles R. Swindoll

Good is not good where better is expected.
-- Thomas Fuller

I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
-- Chinese Proverb

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.
-- David Brinkley

Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.
-- Richard Bach

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
-- Josh Billings

A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.
-- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

There is no joy in a life that is all information. There is no 'juice' to that kind of life. No sweetness, no color. Like trading a beautiful golden-ripe orange for a stalk of whithered broccoli.
-- Tish Grier

There is no old age. There is, as there always was, just you.
-- Carol Matthau

I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

Transformation through Yoga: Do You Mysore Your Life?

2009-02-15T06:25:00.000-08:00

I began practicing Yoga about 13 years ago. I first used it as a way to recover from long and hard training weeks but soon discovered a passion for the practice and the lifestyle.

I have studied Ashtanga with some of the greatest teachers in the United States and have spent hours and hours in teacher trainings all over the county. It has been a big part of my life for a long time and the lessons I have learned over the past 13 years are immeasurable.

But, there is one in particular that I was reminded of last week with a client who was telling me how she was supposed to have been farther along by now that I thought was worth sharing with you.

In many of the places I have practiced Yoga there have been early morning Mysore style classes. Mysore is the third largest city in the southern Indian state of Karnataka. The name Mysore is derived from the name of the demon that allegedly used to rule there. Mysore was once the home to the royal family and is now the home of the legendary Ashtanga Yoga teacher Patthabi Jois. In a Mysore style class each student practices at their own pace, while they focus on moving through the different series of Ashtanga.

When I went to my first Mysore class I thought it was going to be great. I could go at my own pace and nobody would know if I simply skipped my least favorite poses and added a few of my own from the second series in to the first.

Wrong.

I was flowing happily through the first series and got to a pose I did not like and just skipped it. My instructor came by to "remind me" of the one I had missed and told me to do it. While I could kind of do it, I was definitely not in the full expression of the pose, or even halfway actually. When I finished my attempt at that pose she came and said, "You're done for today. See you tomorrow." I thought she was kidding.

She wasn't.

She had practiced with Patthabi Jois for a long time and she told me that this is how it goes. You come to practice and you move through the sequence as far as you can and when you come to a pose that stops you, you practice it and then are done for the day. You come back the next day and move further through until you come to the next pose that stops you. You do not move onto the second series until you can move through the first evenly through each breath.

I left that day and was so frustrated I could barely get it together. By that time I had been practicing for at least 2 hours a day for about 2.5 years - I just hated that pose so I couldn't do it. I couldn't believe that one thing meant I had to leave class.

Of course I went home and practiced it all afternoon. (It was Supta Kurmasana and coming out if it with a vinyasa.) So, I went in the next morning and proudly moved right through it and got to finish the series, even though she said my Setu Bandhasana needed some work.

But here's what I learned. I thought because I knew all of the poses, could pronounce all of them in Sanskrit and had been practicing Yoga for over 2 years, that I should have been further along than I was.

I should have been able to breeze through the first series and move on to my favorite poses that are conveniently chunked in the middle of the second.

Not true.

Yoga is a practice and there is no right or wrong place to be. I had tried to ignore something, a pose, a lesson, and thought I would get away with it. However, by not including the real discomfort I felt in that pose with the rest of the experience, I unwittingly held myself back.

The quick lesson here is that you can feel pain, sadness and even discomfort without it having to ruin your state of well being. When you ignore those feelings, they do not go away; they just show up in a different space.

You are where you are on your mat on any given day. Some days when my mind is wandering or the moon is full, I cannot balance in scorpion (my favorite pose) to save my life. But I am okay with that. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Life is no different. In fact, I have found Yoga and running to be incredibly accurate metaphors for life.

Life is practice and the only place you are "supposed" to be is exactly where you are. The only place your business or bank account should be is exactly where it is.

Does that mean you won't be somewhere else tomorrow or next week? Of course not. But if you can't embrace where you are now, you won't be able to embrace what's next either. You can't do your life right or wrong. If you think of your life and all of your actions as right or wrong, you will be paralyzed and you'll never be able to experience the bliss and joy of each moment.

It's been 10 years since that first Mysore class and since then I have learned to be more kind to myself. I am not always "thrilled" with where I am because I am human and darn it some days I just want more. But, whenever my head goes there I think about the love I feel for myself when I am on my mat and know that my ability to complete or not complete a certain posture on any given day has nothing to do with how good, or worthy or smart I am.

I am alive and breathing and I get to enjoy this amazing life and that's pretty good stuff.

About the Author

Transformation - The Myth of Prolonged Effort

2009-02-14T06:47:00.000-08:00

We are surrounded by seekers. All around us there are people "on the path", on their way, seeking something, enlightenment, anything. They see a movie, read a passage in the Bible, hear someone speak, visit a slaughterhouse, read a profound text or experience an "a ha" moment and the road to enlightenment begins.

There are gurus and vendors and wares on the path that promise enlightenment someday. Someday when you have studied enough, read enough, listened enough, experienced enough, felt enough, starved enough, cried enough or taught enough.

And this progressive path is acceptable. It's appealing. It's been described for centuries and within this belief lies the idea that when you follow the path, follow directions, spend enough hours in meditation, cultivate the right attitudes, and surround yourself with the right teachers, the TRUTH about who you really are will be clear.

And, to make this path even more acceptable, there are countless stories of enlightened masters who started out on this seeker path, as we have, and achieved enlightenment through long, determined effort.

This prolonged and step-by-step approach actually feels quite good to our mind, which loves problems, obstacles to negotiate and loves having a map that identifies where you are going and how to get there. Your ego is equally up to this task. The ego is inspired by a struggle it can feel "good" about accomplishing. The ego sees an end, and is certain if you just put in the time and effort, you too can have your chance at enlightenment or peace.

Besides, this approach allows you to put your life on an organized path. I am a vegan and a yogi and as such I do these things with other people doing the same thing surrounding me. I am a Buddhist Monk and I am traveling through the 4 stages to reach enlightenment. You get the point.

But, what if this concept of the progressive approach actually undermines any possibility of awakening RIGHT NOW? If you are more concerned with the practice that will lead you toward awakening or transformation than the actual transformation in the moment, then isn't it possible you will spend so many years on the way, you will miss what was right in front of you, or within you along?

One of my favorite teachers Stephan Bodian said, "The danger of investing your energy in seeking is that you'll end up a perpetual seeker, without ever finding what you were looking for in the first place." Furthermore he says that the belief that you need to engage in certain practices over a period of time in order to realize who you are "reinforces the belief that your true nature is deeply concealed and requires protracted effort to uncover."

The truth is that truth plays hide and seek with itself and if we continue to focus so much of our time searching and looking for the right answer, we will miss the present and what is available to us NOW.

If you seek the answer to this question you will find answers to feed both sides. You will be reminded of enlightened souls who had centuries of refinement to site. On the other side you will learn about spiritual guides who had no path, no tools, no lineage but who experienced instantaneous transformation and who have been sharing their spiritual wisdom and connection to source energy from that moment on.

No way is right or wrong of course and a great many things can be learned and experienced through study, practice and devotion. The problem has more to do with attitude than the technique. For example, if you view your practice as a gradual way to achieve some goal, you may not only lose your passion and drive but you may miss the open secret of who you already are because no amount of effort can ever bring you closer to who you are, it's already as close as your breath.

About the Author

Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing

strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.

Self-confidence, Presence and Leadership

2009-02-04T09:50:00.000-08:00

You know the old expression - "They're a born leader!"? Is there any such thing - or can we all be leaders? Is there any secret that can be learned - that we can all learn? Or are some "leaders" and most of us "followers"?

Well, first of all, let's get a few facts straight. Most people who find themselves in leadership positions, wouldn't be able to lead themselves out of a paper bag! They might have built up a veneer of self-confidence to get them to where they are - but that's all self-confidence is, a veneer.

Self-confidence is a cloak that builds and protects your personality, or your ego. Your personality is not who you really are, it's who you think you are - warts and all - based on the self-perceptions that you learned during your formative years. Self-confidence merely bolsters the ego and, in fact, removes you even further from your true capabilities and inner potential.

There's a world of difference between the self-confident personality and someone with presence or charisma. People with presence are true leaders - whether they even have thought about it in those terms or not. So, what's the difference between the "normal" person and the person who exudes presence?

Very simple really - and we can all exude presence. You see decades of research prove that "normal" people use only a small percentage of their mental capability to focus on the present moment - the here and now. Generally speaking, your subconscious mind is looking at the old programs that create your self-perception, which were installed during your childhood. In other words, your subconscious mind is living in the past. All the while, your conscious mind is being distracted by random thoughts - approximately, fifty thousand of them every day. No wonder your mind wanders! Generally speaking, these random thoughts are worries or distractions about the outturn of events, or looking forward (to the weekend, the holidays, meeting up with your friends tonight). In other words, your conscious mind is living in the future. What all this amounts to is that only about 1% or 2% of you is actually present, in the present.

People with presence are simply a little (or, in some cases, a lot) more present than all the "normal" people who are not all here at all. They are more focused in the present moment and are, therefore, more present. Surely, that's what the word "presence" actually means! Being more present, "normal" people notice them as being different - people with presence stand out from the crowd. And, as a result, they make more of an impression - they are more impressive.

Some "leaders" do it naturally. Others have learned it. We can all learn it. In fact, it comes naturally to every one of us too - we've just forgotten how to do it. You see, having presence is simply a question of being more focused in the present moment - more than the pathetic 1-2% that is the "norm". And we all were experts at paying attention to the present moment when we were young children. (If you have children, just look at the way they get engrossed in their play, watching television, etc.)

Re-train your mind to be present - by paying attention to your five senses. Come to your senses. Appreciate the present moment by seeing, feeling, hearing smelling and tasting what's going on. If you go through these simple steps, your mind will get used to being more here - and it will wander less. If you're with friends, really listen to what they're saying, rather than thinking about what you'll say next. If you're playing sports, really feel the strain in your legs and arms, rather than thinking about something that happened beforehand or thinking that your opponent is better than you (that's actually a self-fulfilling prophecy!). If you're in a meeting with someone you don't like, stop thinking that useless thought, listen to what they're really saying (not what you think they're saying) and get involved - really involved. If you're playing with your children, don't try to wash the dishes and do the laundry at the same time - really play with them, rather than going through the motions.

But, most of all, give yourself the space and time to re-train your mind to pay attention - simply to notice and observe the present moment, using your five senses. You could go for a walk - just to do that. Not to "clear your head" or "think things through" - just to appreciate the here and now. You could allocate time to sit in the park - just experiencing the here and now. If you workout, you could turn off your iPod and really focus on the muscles you're using.

The key point is this. If you want to get mentally fit and have presence, a little time set aside for mental training goes a very long way. And we can all do it.

Copyright (c) 2009 Willie Horton

Willie Horton was born and educated in Dublin, Ireland. An ex-Accountant and ex-Banker, he has worked with business leaders for thirteen years, enabling them understand how their state of mind creates their lives. Clients describe the results as 'unbelievable' and 'life-changing'. Willie now lives with his wife and children in the French Alps. For more, information visit:
http://www.gurdy.net

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How To Become More Confident - 10 Ways To Build Your Confidence

2009-02-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

by Trevor Johnson

What is confidence, if not the difference between feeling like the sky's the limit and the world is out to get you?

Having enough self-confidence can often be the "make or break" deal when it comes to securing a job, striking a business deal or even a matter as simple as asking someone out on a date.

The key to successfully becoming more confident about yourself is how others perceive you through your own self-perception. Yes, this means, if you see yourself as an attractive, capable and energetic person, the others will see you the same way too.

Of course, there are many factors beyond your control in this world, but there are also many things that you can do on your own to give yourself more confident in preparation to go "get the gold". Follow these 10 tips for how to become more confident instantly, and you'll be able to face the world without worries.

Dress To Impress

No, it's not cliche. Your appearance matters most to you and if you feel unattractive or dowdy, you'll give out that perception to the world. Dress smartly, not just by concentrating on your clothes, but also by paying attention to proper grooming. If you can't afford to buy expensive clothes all the time, don't. Cut the buying in half, but spend twice as much as you would normally, to buy high-quality clothes. In the long run, this reduces your expenditure on clothes, because high-quality clothing lasts longer and give a better impression,.

Brisk Walking

People who are confident walk faster and more energetically, because they feel important enough to hurry from place to place. They have people to meet, places to go to and have generally have a full agenda. So, even if you are in no hurry, add a little sprint to your walk and you'll instantly feel very confident and purposeful.

Good Posture

Remember the days when our grandmothers would yell at us to "stand up straight and don't slouch"? Well, they had a good reason to do so. A person without any confidence can be spotted a mile away because of the way they carry themselves - never looking up, huddled and ambling along, it's quite apparent they don't see any importance in what they are doing.

Advertise Yourself

Not literally, of course. Record or write a small speech about your positive attributes and read it or listen to it whenever you feel down and low. It's a great way to give yourself some confidence boosting.

Focus On Gratitude

The more you think about what you don't have, the less confident you'll become. Instead, always focus on what you do have, the positive sides of your appearance, character and abilities. Feel gratitude towards what you've been given and able to achieve.

Compliment Other People

We tend to project our negative feelings towards ourselves through insulting others and gossiping about them. Refuse to engage in such time-wasting activity and instead, start complimenting everything good about any person. When you look for the best in others, you'll gradually be able to see the best in yourself too.

Go Right To The Front

Whether you are at a lecture, conference or even church, if you have the tendency to go sit at the back, you are afraid to be noticed. This is a baseless fear, so take courage and go right to the front of an assembly.

Speak Up

Hiding like a mouse while in open discussions? Don't; speak up, join in the conversation. Unlike your belief, you won't say anything stupid. Most people battle with this notion in fear of public speaking, but it has not real cause, because unless you speak up, your issues will never get resolved. Public speaking will always contribute to increasing your confidence.

Exercise

Boost your energy by working out at least 3 times a week. It'll give you the energy and the "looking-good" confidence, so you can face the world with your head held high.

Contribute To Society

All too often, we as humans, are wallowing in self pity and desire. By concentrating on helping others and making a difference other people's lives, you have less time to think about your own self-perceived faults, which in turn helps to build confidence.

About the Author

Get more help on how to build self confidence and watch your confidence levels skyrocket!

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Manifesting happiness in six action steps

2009-01-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

by jkhbraveheart

Entrepreneurs may feel that they are manifesting happiness by spending time on earning a good income and keeping up with their needs and wants; however, they may actually be dwelling in a state of unhappiness. We know this by the way we see them struggle. There is no ‘flow' and they are overworked and exhausted.

What is needed is a change in the focus of their intentions. Spending time with people who are truly manifesting their happiness will help accomplish this. Modeling someone who is energetic, fulfilled, open and committed is a good first step. Someone who lives in their passion and purpose while pursuing material needs usually aspires to fulfill inner or spiritual needs as well.

For those who wish to manifest happiness in a new and heartfelt way, action steps are discussed below.

1. When should you pursue happiness? Should you look for happiness when you reach the next level of success in your business? After retirement? Or should you do it now, today, in the moment?

Many entrepreneurs work diligently to get to the next level, while leaving all else to the dust of indifference. They wait for the next level of achievement or for the magic day of retirement. They sacrifice everything: friends, family and personal fulfillment, to accomplish their goals. Is this manifesting true and lasting happiness?

2. Be in control of your time. For happy people, time is filled and planned; for unhappy people, time is unfilled, open and uncommitted. Happy people feel that they have some control over their lives. Unhappy people feel that they have lost control over their lives.

3. Own the traits of happy people. A happy person sees magic by looking at the stars at night, by picking a few flowers in their garden or by watching a puppy at play. No sacrifice here, no cost, no energy expended. All is energizing rather than enervating.

Happy people are optimistic, outgoing and have a feeling of high self-esteem. They are interested in life around them and have a caring attitude. They engage in activities and skills that focus on their passion, often times losing themselves in the flow of absorbing activity.

4. Be in motion during the day. Those who are consciously manifesting happiness enjoy physical activity on a daily basis. When feeling tired or low, studies have shown that exercise is energizing.

A person manifesting happiness is active throughout the day and enjoys movement as an expression of creativity and of life. Happiness cannot hide itself. We can see happiness in a person even as they walk down the street.

5. Get physical and mental rest. Most people remain happy only when they are in top energetic form. Proper rest may mean 6 hours for one person and 8 hours for another. It could be a 20 minute catnap or 10 minutes of deep relaxation; perhaps 5 minutes of meditation before and after work and at lunchtime will do it. Each person is different.

6. Take care of the soul. A happy person regularly reads inspiring books. They stay spiritually active by keeping company with other like-minded people. Most people manifesting happiness are aligned in some way with a greater cause: saving the rainforest, sending goods and services to countries in need, belonging to a prayer group or other creative and expansive endeavors that takes them beyond the usual scope of their lives.

Jefferson's pursuit of happiness is found in his Declaration of Independence as one of his inalienable rights. We are perhaps never in a state of total happiness but are forever pursuing happiness. Joy can be found in the pursuit. Often when we reach what we feel is happiness, we see that there is an even greater or deeper state of happiness.

We can pursue great outer successes and make good inner progress, but let us be attentive to the little things that matter. We are fulfilling our soul as we continue to seek and to become happy. When we continue, continue, continue, ultimately, we will be in a state of constantly manifesting happiness - an exemplary goal.

About the Author

Rijuta Tooker, the author, is a certified health and life wellness coach and specializes in working with people who want to seamlessly combine their spiritual life with their every-day practical life. She helps people get from where they are now to where they want to go by guiding them to access and embody their inner soul-power, one step at a time. Click here to contact Rijuta <a href="http://www.braveheartwomen.com/rijuta">Soul Power</a>

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Practical Manifestion--How It's Done

2009-01-29T05:51:00.000-08:00

by dagger234

A client of mine asked me today about the law of attraction.

She told me she'd read a bunch of books about it, seen some movies, but somehow it just didn't seem to work for her. She kept thinking positive thoughts, saying dozens of affirmations every day but, after six months of doing those things, nothing in her life had changed. She wanted to know what she was doing wrong.

With so much stuff out there these days, it's almost impossible to separate what's real from what's just plain crap.

Let me first just say that the law of attraction, or whatever you choose to call it, is real. I know this because I've seen it work in my own life and in the lives of my clients. But it's working constantly, even when you don't want it to. If you don't consciously attract, then you unconsciously attract. This can be a very bad thing.

I'm not going to get into the science behind all this in this article, however. Instead, I'm going to give you a practical exercise, the one I use on a daily basis, to create the life you've always wanted. No fluff, no theory. Time to lock and load.

The first thing you need to do is to learn to relax. Relaxing the body is a necessity if you're going to reach your subconscious mind, which is what we're going to do. I've practiced in lying, sitting, and reclining positions, and find reclining to be the most effective. Try each position yourself, and find which one suits you the best.

After you find a comfortable position, you'll need to do some sort of progressive relaxation exercise, usually accompanied with some deep breathing. You can find these types of exercises on books about hypnosis, or just do a Google search for progressive relaxation. As long as your body is relaxed, almost any method will do.

After you're completely relaxed, you then imagine what life will be like when your goal is achieved. Now, when I say imagine, most people think of only using their vision, but that's only a small part of it. You see, we're trying to fool your subconscious mind into believing this is a real experience. To do that, you've got to use all five of your senses.

How do you do that? Well, to be honest, it sometimes takes some practice. There are some daily exercises you might do, like imagine you're walking on a beach. You feel your bare feet touching the hot sand. You see the yellow sun lighting a blue sky. You taste the salt on your upper lip. You hear the gulls flying overhead. You smell the moisture from the waves.

When you do this kind of exercise to manifest things in your life, you've also got to feel emotion. If you can't get emotionally worked up over your goal, then you really don't desire it enough to manifest it. You either need to change it in some way, or drop it altogether.

Lots of times, people tell me they lose their concentration when trying to do this kind of work. And, so I've read, the average attention span is about six seconds. To this, I have two things to say.

First of all, with continued practice, your attention span will increase. Because you are embedding yourself in the scene you are imagining, you sometimes even forget where you are physically. This is the desired state. This is where the magic truly happens.

Secondly, if you find your mind wandering aimlessly, you might record your voice and play that while visualizing. For instance, on the tape you might say, "You feel the breeze from the ocean blowing your hair, and hear the gulls above you." I've made hundreds of tapes like these for my clients, and they work beautifully.

Also, you will need to watch your food intake when doing this kind of exercise. Too much food in your stomach could cause problems, as can too little. If you're hungry beforehand, maybe have a piece of cheese or a couple crackers.

It's important to keep in mind that manifestation exercises are limited, in that they only bring you opportunities to achieve your goals. They do not manifest the goals themselves.

For instance, if you're doing exercises to manifest a new love in your life, yet you never leave your apartment, the chances of your dream mate showing up at your door are almost nil. You've got to do the leg work. You've got to educate yourself in the area of your choosing, and trust that the Universe will provide those opportunities that will lead to the realization of your goal.

Nothing is free. For everything, there is a price. Using the law of attraction is certainly no exception.

About the Author

Gregory McGuire is a successful network marketer and hypnotherapist living in Smyrna, Tennessee.

Discover why our team is the fastest growing team in Success University."

Visit http://www.calling-my-own-shots.com

What's Your Potential

2009-01-28T03:29:00.000-08:00

by Michael Angier

It's not hard to count the seeds in an apple, but how can we count the apples that can come from a single seed? It's like that with our potential. We can't truly know what our full potential is.

When Roger Bannister ran the first four-minute mile, it was thought to have been impossible. Within weeks of him breaking this invisible barrier, dozens of others did it, too. Since then, thousands have run a sub four-minute mile.

Virtually every sales team has a few star salespeople who consistently outsell others by two, three and often ten times. You are unique, just like everyone else. This statement is actually true. Everyone IS unique. Of the over 90 billion people who have lived or are living on the planet, there have never been two people identically alike.

We each have a unique potential. And it's up to us to discover what that is and then to live it. Einstein believed he used less than 10 percent of his brain power. If one of the smartest people who ever lived left 90 percent of his thinking capacity on the table, what are the rest of us doing? I'm dedicated to the passionate pursuit of potential. My studies and my experiences are about being the best I can be.

I've got a long way to go, and I'm always looking for ways I can maximize my time, my talents, my knowledge and my opportunities. It's what my life and Success Networks is about. I guess it's good that we have so much potential, because there will always be more to which to aspire. We can strive, and we can thrive in the process.

It's good to take some time to think about our special gifts and talents and how best to apply them. We definitely have a purpose. We have something special to bring to the world and it's incumbent upon us to do just that.

Ask yourself some questions: What's my true potential? What would I attempt if I knew I couldn't fail? Where am I taking the easy road? What have I accepted about myself or my life that is less than my best?

How can I deliver my best to the world? How can I contribute the most? I believe that in order to live an extraordinary life, we must constantly challenge ourselves to fulfill our unique potential.

What tools do I need to become more effective? What skills do I need to develop? What knowledge and experience do Intend to gain?

Do this without putting yourself down. Start from where you are. Reach down deep for that other 90 percent. You can have more and do more because you can become more of who you are.

Remember that everything extraordinary that has ever been accomplished was once thought to be impossible. Think big. Go and grow.

Michael Angier, founder of SuccessNet.org, recently released the New SuccessNet Resource Book--the Top Must-Have Tools, Products, Services and Resources for Running Your Business Effectively. This $27 eBook can be yours now at no-cost. And most of the over 100 resources are FREE to access and use.
http://SuccessNetResources.com
http://SuccessNet.org

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6 Steps to Killer Self Esteem

2009-01-27T05:25:00.000-08:00

by ernier4154

The world can be a beautiful place. It can also chew you up and spit you out if you let it. So how do you stay cool, calm, and collected, and maintain your self esteem when things aren't going your way? Here are 6 tips to thicken that skin and keep your spirit soaring above the crowd.

Remember, no one wants you to succeed and live a great life more that you. It's up to you to guard against the people and events that will try to pull you down. Mentally establish an invisible perimeter around yourself to block the poison arrows that will attempt to puncture your happy little bubble.

#1 : Negative Work Environment

Avoid living by the "dog eat dog" theory where everyone is fighting just to get ahead. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Even if you miss lunch and dinner and stay up late, few will appreciate your contributions. Competition is always lurking in the background. Do your part, but don't ruin your health stressing over it.

#2: Other People's Behavior

You can't control other people. You'll come across brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, sluffers and more. All these kinds of people will spread bad vibes to your self esteem - avoid them as much as possible.

#3: Changing Environment

Change is always happening and will challenge your beliefs and test your flexibility. A positive attitude toward change and a measure of adaptability can turn a difficult situation into a life-changing benefit. Instead of dreading change, face it with open eyes and see how you can turn it to your advantage.

#4: Past Experience

It's okay to cry and say "ouch!" when we experience pain, but don't let pain transform itself into fear. Instead of retreating from the world, grab it by the tail and hang on. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson, and move forward with confidence, and the knowledge that you won't have to make that mistake again.

#5: Negative World View

Get in a quiet mode occasionally and observe the thoughts going on in your mind. Make note of how often you think negatively about things around you, and how harshly you judge other people. Don't wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of whatever situation we find ourselves in.

#6: Determination Theory

The way you think and your behavior are said to be the product of your inherited traits, your upbringing, and the environment around you, such as your family, your job, the economy, or your circle of friends. You have your own identity and can determine your own path in life. Just because your father is a failure or your siblings are nasty people, it doesn't mean you have to be that way also. Learn from other people's experience, so you'll never have to make the same mistakes.

Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and striving for self improvement are lifestyle preferences that you can choose to make. You don't need anyone's permission to live the type of life you want. You are free to decide your own fate, and whether you choose to be happy or not.

So take responsibility for your life and work on that self esteem. It will allow you take control of the fear you may feel before making a big decision or beginning a new project. It is truly the path to self improvement and self determination.

Develop an armor of invincibility to fend off the negativity of the world. Do your best to be positive, contented, and happy. No one can run your life better than you. Taking control of your self esteem is a major step in the right direction.

A healthy level of self esteem is important to help us achieve what we want in our lives. In the Self Help Section of Mental Well-Being.com, you'll find ways of reprogramming your mind with a self confidence and self help mindset, so that you can get what you REALLY want out of life. Ernie Reynolds is the webmaster of Mental Well-Being.com, a website dedicated to your health and happiness, with information and advice on hypnosis, mental health, meditation, spirituality, financial well-being, fitness, self improvement, weight loss, and other topics of interest.

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Is Freedom Of Choice Really Free?

2009-01-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

by donyates22

The Inner Self And Free Will.

Are we as humans, free to select our goals, determine our future and correct our faults? Considering that we are part of a larger mental and emotional whole within a society, consisting of cultures, and environment of laws, do we as individuals have the ability to control and change ourselves as well as alter our surroundings? Is our surroundings akin to a lake and we are simply a drop of water amongst trillions of other drops?

The Question Of Life.

This is an important question because if our lives are totally determined by our environment, than we are simply creatures of conditions. If we are intelligent beings who are able to decipher the laws of history, society, and politics then we should also understand our position and avoid situations that could potentially harm us or others. The fact is, most people don't understand political ambitions and actions and are unable to evaluate their potential. If we could discern the roots of evil, would we then, prevent it?

The Laws Of The Land.

The problem is, we are subjected to the laws of the land and our experience is in how well we are able to control them. Control comes from planning and planning stems from a well structured mind.

Creating A Future.

If we are indeed able to alter and create our future, would we then, create a world of peace and tranquility? But that is not the case, we clearly are only able to partially manipulate that which directly effects ourselves. We are able to control that which projects from within but not that which is external. We are beings that perceive life from the inside out, while the world sees us from the outside in.

The Inner Self.

What is our self? Our inner being or me that perceives the world and deciphers our experience. Our self is continuous in time as a force that recognizes its own position. The self is manifest through natural observation which is our psychological makeup. Our perception of events are limited and determined through our life experiences. Each experience piled upon the other, makes up a total lifespan.

Our Inner Self Has Several Features.

First. is the personality or ego, which is ourselves receiving and judging the world. It also organizes and controls our mental activities.

Second. is the realization of self-potential which controls self-esteem, goal setting and self analysis. We also are accountable for our actions upon others.

Third. is the superego, which sets the rules that guide the self as well as other attributes such as abilities and temperaments involving self limitations and motivation for achieving goals.

Fourth. is freedom of choice. Our self has the power to exert conscious control over our actions, excises, options, reasoning, feelings of worth and prods the itself into action.

Fifth. Willpower. Our willpower gives us the power to reject, concepts, reality, decipher right from wrong, and self-realization.

Freedom Of Choice.

Freedom of choice is, in itself a natural power, and attribute of self but are we, as humans, really free to choose? Essentially, freedom is the ability of the individual to choose or create his/her own actions. Free choice is enacted upon demand and enables us to deal directly with any given problem but environment plays a heavy role in our choice process.

Creating Choices.

If we have free choice then are we able to create our choices? We can and do originate choices but at the same time we are subject to others actions\choices. We can, however, choose to reject or accept others choices.

The Question Of Influence.

There is always the question of influence swaying our choice and therefore the choice was not really free. A solution to this phenomenon would to unite both freedom and necessity to accomplish the best end. Logic would dictate the correct avenue to take in most choices. Each choice should be assessed for its value and potentiality as it contributes to our future. As a free will self with the gift of choice, we are free to avoid conditions and progress towards that which might be.

Happy Trails

About the Author

“Former Development coordinator for Imperial Research, author, Spiritual Adviser, Donald Yates is now retired but continues to expand through Self Discovery. Learn how you can also. Go to.”

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Wisdom of Our Soul

2009-01-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

Wisdom of Our Soul

by jkhbraveheart

Not too long ago, I was living in a world outside of myself. Happiness eluded me and I mostly felt scattered and lost. Today, I live from the inside out. Joy is a constant in my life and I’ve become a woman who is grounded, purposeful and full of gratitude!

What made the difference?

I use to always look outside of myself for my happiness. I thought if someone could just tell me what I’m supposed to do with my life then I could be happy and fulfilled. When the answers I received from various voices of all types of people didn’t feel right to me, then I went shopping!

After years of frustration and confusion and when my shopping sprees no longer sufficed, I finally gave in to this prodding yet gentle and loving voice within me that had been patiently trying to get my attention for so long! That’s when I realized I had been missing out on the most important voice of all, the voice of my soul.

Are you listening to the guidance of your soul?
Whether you realize it or not, your soul is speaking to you right now and is the one voice that will always feel right to you. Your soul is always seeking to guide you on your journey and your soul speaks to you through your dreams, flashes of insight and most of all through that deep inner voice within. Are you paying attention?

All the answers to everything we seek are within us! However, we live in a world filled with unlimited distractions and most of us have a mind full of ceaseless chatter. It’s no wonder I use to be oblivious to my soul’s guidance! I remember how excited I was when I became aware of this powerful voice. Then the question arose, ‘how do I quiet my mind and become still long enough to connect with my soul so I could receive this valuable information and wisdom’?

Here are 3 ways that can assist you to live from the inside out:

1 – Meditation. This wonderful practice has become my daily morning ritual. It requires discipline, consistency and patience and it is so worth it! With repetition, you’ll find that you expand your consciousness and become more aware of the guiding voice of your soul.

2 – Spiritual Hypnosis. This is a process where the hypnotist guides you into a deep meditative state of profound relaxation, and through a powerful visualization technique assists you to invite your soul in where you can ask questions and receive guidance.

3 – Subconscious Programming. Now here’s a simple yet powerful method you can begin using today to program your subconscious mind to recognize when your soul is speaking to you.

In a special notebook, write in cursive (a right brain activity) positive declarations of what you want to create. The best time to do this is when your subconscious mind is naturally most open to suggestion, which is right before you sleep at night. For lasting results, write these declarations every night for 30 days.

Here are some examples to get you started:

I am open and receptive to the guidance from my Soul.

I intuitively know when my Soul is speaking to me.

I am grateful that my Soul always guides me in the right direction.

The best gift I ever gave myself was learning to become still and open to the voice of my soul. I encourage you to incorporate these practices into your daily routine. Imagine your reward: You will always be guided in the right direction by the wisest voice of all, the voice of your soul!

About the Author

Businesswoman, Friend, Collaborator, and Team player, Amy Huentelman fulfills her Entrepreneurial Calling by offering a great service that enriches the lives of others. Together with other fellow BraveHeart Community members, her goal is to empower Women to be multi-dimensional success stories and inspiration to others. Be Sure to Visit: Be a BraveHeart Woman

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How to get over jealousy?

2009-01-22T05:35:00.000-08:00

by online expert

Jealousy is a poisonous feeling which has the potential to ruin a relationship. Often you may not even realize the fact that you are jealous by mistaking it for possessiveness or a sign of deep love. Feeling jealous occasionally is understandable but when it starts stalking your relationship and becomes the root cause of almost all your arguments, it becomes hazardous not just for your own health but also the health of your relationship.

How to figure out that your jealousy is potentially hazardous?

If you see your partner talking to someone else, does your imagination run into overdrive?

Do you feel inadequate compared to other women/men?

Have you become a slave to your negative thinking, often visualizing your partner cheating on you?

Are you constantly comparing yourself with other people?

Do you often accuse your partner of cheating on you or lying?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, your jealousy has turned toxic. However, it’s not too late. Once you realize that jealousy is a problem and decide to overcome it; you can make a fresh start and find happiness in your relationship.

Causes of Jealousy

Low self-esteem

Jealousy is the offspring of low self esteem. You feel jealous of others when you feel that you lack the qualities that others have. Jealousy makes you concentrate on your flaws and overlook your positive attributes. The reasons for low self-esteem are generally rooted in one’s past.

Resentment

Resenting other people their good fortune, looks or mannerisms leads to a feeling of burning jealousy. Resentment means blaming life, God or your luck (whatever you believe in) for your lack of something. It means an inability to take self-responsibility. Prolonged resentment can make you a bitter person, stuck in the abyss of jealousy.

Fear of abandonment arising from the past

Sometimes past hurts leave such a deep impression on our subconscious that we are unable to let go of the associated hurtful memories. Incidents or events of childhood especially are responsible for shaping our behavior. For instance, a child who loses his/her parent(s) at an early age or is witness to his/her parents’ divorce is more likely to grow up with a fear of abandonment. These children may come to terms with their situation after a few years, but somewhere within, the fear of abandonment keeps gnawing at them. Such individuals tend to be extremely jealous in relationships.

How to overcome jealousy?

Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations can go a long way in forming and strengthening new self beliefs. Whatever you hear about yourself repeatedly becomes your belief. For instance if you have always been told that you are fat, no matter how thin you are you'll start seeing yourself as fat. Similarly if you tell yourself repeatedly that you are a happy and secure person, with time, it will become your belief. Make up your own affirmations or practice the following in front of a mirror everyday:

“I love and accept myself the way I am”

“I feel secure and happy in all my relationships”

“I trust life to bring the best to me”

“I love myself and release all my hurtful past memories”

Hypnosis

Sometimes your past hurt maybe so deep rooted that you might require professional help to release your traumatic memories. Clinical hypnosis may be helpful is some cases. If you do decide to undertake this therapy a trained practitioner can induce a hypnotic state and delve into your subconscious mind. All your past memories whether you remember them consciously or not are filed somewhere in your subconscious. The therapist will be able to access these memories, bring you face to face with them and help you release all the associated negative feelings.

Psychotherapy

You can also opt for psychotherapy or psychoanalysis. A trained psychologist or psychiatrist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and help you overcome your jealousy with counseling, therapeutic modalities, and sometimes medication.

Once you learn to let go of jealousy you will realize how fulfilling and loving your relationship can be. Remember, blaming someone’s actions or behavior for your jealousy or resentment would mean giving up the power to transform your life. The moment you admit that you have a problem you also admit that you have the power to get rid of it.

Want more tips on how to overcome jealousy? Have a comment or question you'd like to share? Come join others at Boomer Yearbook for simple and effective coaching tips and strategies.

www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

For-

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www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

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What's Your Passion And How Can You Apply It To The Real World

2009-01-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

by DianeCorriette

'Reduce your workload by 30% and increase your fun load by 30% and you will increase your revenues by 100%. More fun, less struggle. More results on all fronts.' Abraham-Hicks

I remember being asked this question years ago and it took me a long time to finally express my passion for writing because I really didn't think that anything I wrote would really impact people. Once I began writing articles and receiving emails from people who had read them and enjoyed them I knew I had to overcome my insecurities and reach out for moments of brilliance because in those moments I write my best work :)

We all have a passion for something and we do not always have to save the world or make it a deep far reaching impact kind of passion. You can put all of your passion into raising healthy, well rounded, loving children who are ready to live their life according to what they are passionate about. Or you can choose to take in damaged and abandoned animals giving them a loving home where they can flourish and overcome their fears/hurt.

Having a passion helps to take you out of any concerns, fears and worries you may have and place you into a place of joy and 'in the moment' living because when you are truly engrossed in a passion you forget everything and every one around you!

In all my years of coaching when I listened to someone in the workplace talk about why their performance is failing fast I always knew it wasn't whatever reason they presented. They had convinced themselves that the reason they were not getting as much done, or hitting their targets was become of something related to their job.

However I knew something different! Because living your passion doesn't mean you have to give up your job. I have a passion for dancing but being a dance teacher or a professional dancer at 41 is definitely out of my reach... I am a realist after all. But just being able to go out and dance, whether it was to salsa, in a club, to African drumming music... whatever I was dancing to I didn't care just as long as I got to dance. Dancing brings me a sense of joy that cannot be matched by anything, it makes me laugh, and provides me with some exercise.

Dancing is one of my greatest loves, my biggest passions (next to writing) and I give thanks every day for being able to get up and shake my thang!

If your passion involves helping others this has a wonderful effect not only on the people you help but on your life, especially during times of uncertainty. When life is not working the way we feel it should be it's very easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of not knowing what to do and trying to fix the problem. When your passion involves you helping others it gives you some time away from your own problems and in those moments, when we are not focusing on what's wrong, it is easier to find solutions.

Whenever I meet an under performing employee my first task would always be to identify what their passion is and how they can apply that to the real world to actual benefit not only themselves but also other people. Everyone has a passion, even those people who believe they really do not and all it takes is the willingness to look at what it could be.

Of course a few clients went on to leave their job and actually live their passion - which I always love to see happen because none of us should be doing anything we are not 100% passionate about (not even for the money!) But the majority found a new lease of life, a new sense of purpose that changed their perspective.

When you have something in your life you are truly passionate about life becomes a joy. It doesn't matter how much work you have to deal with, what your colleagues are like, if you are worried about money, whether your children are driving you crazy... in fact what you find is that all of that stuff seems to 'magically' change yet nothing has really changed except your outlook on life!

So please take the time to discover your passion especially if you find yourself in a place where you are fearful about the future or uncertain about what to do next and allow it to give you some 'me time' because during those moments we can receive our greatest answers to whatever questions we may have.

Write if you love to, paint if you love to, walk for miles if you love to, make plans to visit a different part of the world every six months. Do whatever you have to, to ensure that every day you have something to look forward to, something that fills you with passion and makes your soul sing with joy.

About the Author

Diane Corriette is a Personal Growth Coach who works with women to help them re-connect to passion and purpose. You can read her perspective on all things transformational at Inspirational Guidance http://www.inspirationalguidance.com.

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The Agony and the Ecstasy of Saying No

2009-01-02T06:10:00.000-08:00

by Denise Ryan

Most of us women have a hard time saying no. It's one of those things we over think. We worry about how the other person will feel - will we hurt their feelings? Will they feel rejected? We even take into account society at large - will we seem like a bad person? We wind up saying yes when what we really want to say is no. Sometimes hell no.

I'm terrible at this. It's hard for me to tell a man I've just had a first date with, when he hopefully says, "Would you like to go out again?", no. I don't want to crush him. I'll do anything not to have to tell him no to his poor, hopeful face. But I don't want to lie or lead him on. Usually I weasel out by saying, "Why don't you call me and we'll see?" or something similarly lame. It's the hope in their voices. Oh how I hate to crush hope.

When people ask me to do something I am usually honored that they want me to come to their baby shower, their child's birthday party, or whatever. I know they think the event will be fun. I also think my single status sometimes freaks people out and they think being alone is a sad, pathetic thing. How can I tell them that sitting with a group of strangers and celebrating something I could care less about is far, far worse than being in my own house doing my own thing? I love my house, my TV, my work, my books, my snacks! Whee!!!!! I don't have to pretend to be nice to people I don't like and I can leave anytime I want. I don't have to put on make-up or panty hose. I love the freedom of it.

So how can we all get better at saying no?

1.) Man up. I completely admire men's ability to say no. They just say it - they don't offer excuses or rationalizations. They simply say no. They are non-emotional in the saying of the no. It's not mean. They simply consider the offer and if it's something they don't want to do they say no. Forget Freud's penis envy, I have "no" envy. Next time you need to say no, say it like a man.

2.) Say yes to you. Why am I putting other people's comfort above my own? Why am I worried about how they might feel when I know how I will feel if I say yes? I will feel obligated to do something I don't want to. I will be unhappy. Saying no to them is saying yes to me. It is my time and I deserve to spend it in the way I want.

3.) Get over yourself. I have to tell myself that these events are not going to be impacted that much by my attendance. Who do I think I am? Paris Hilton? Barack Obama? Madonna? Why am I acting like the baby shower or birthday or whatever will be impacted that much by my absence? They will not miss me.

4.) Say it soon. I delay. I panic in the heat of the moment. I tap dance. I smile. I say let me check my calendar. Then I go home once I've recovered from the shock of the ask and figure out how to get out of it. The sooner no is said the better. Men would rather hear immediately if you don't want to see them again then work up all the nerve for another call. Your hostess would rather know now than after she's planned the food.

5.) Refuse guilt. Some people will ask you to things that you can't afford or that are inappropriate or that you just don't want to do. Sometimes when you say no you may feel guilty or they may try to make you feel guilty. NO! Step away from the guilt. You want help with this? Imagine yourself spending the money for the gift or the new outfit or the travel or whatever. Imagine the time you will spend dreading the event, traveling to the event, at the event. Imagine actually sitting there for those hours, making small talk, smiling, laughing at stupid jokes, dying to escape. What is worse - all of that or a little guilt? It's your life, spend it how you want. Guilt is for suckers.

6.) More help with guilt. If you say yes, when you really want to say no, no one is going to appreciate it. They are going to think you really wanted to be there. They think the baby shower, wedding, birthday party is fun. They think you had nothing better to do (obviously or why would you be there?). So if they don't really appreciate this great sacrifice, why make it? To twist the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel guilty without your permission. Don't give it to them.

Just remember - saying no to what you don't want is saying yes to what you do want.

Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers. She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com where you can see more articles and sign up for a free newsletter.

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3 step Happy Manifesting Technique

2009-01-01T15:28:00.000-08:00

by Patrick Jones

The 3 step Happy Manifesting technique combines mind power and imagination to attract happy, delightful, and fortunate experiences into your daily life in a way that appears to be magic. It is an intermediate to advance level exercise utilizing the law of attraction. The Happy Manifesting technique is easy to use and can be applied immediately. From completion of reading this article, you will be one step closer to manifesting like a King. Proceed to step one.

1. Intend it

In order to do something, first intend it. In this case, you desire to have complete happiness so one must intend it first. I'm going to share with you a simple but yet powerful "happy" manifesting technique that I use daily that creates tremendous results. It triggers something in you like magic, that allows you to feel happy no matter what. Here's a little manifesting exercise. Immediatelly after waking up in the morning, take three deep breaths while focusing on the rising and falling of your chest. Then immediately imagine exactly that you're already at the end of your day and you're jumping up and down with excitement because you had a splendid and wonderful day. Then observe the feeling of excitement that arises. Become one with that feeling untill you naturally desire to let it go from your mind. When you let it go from your mind, do it completely. It would definately help if you already have something else to focus on immediately after letting go in advance. So when you let go, you can immediately focus on something else and give it your full attention, so that you don't consciously get in the way. This exercise works best when performing it without judging it or judging yourself in the process. I apply this exercise daily and it works wonders for me and everyone who believes in it. The key word in the previous sentence is Believe. After performing this exercise, just do what you naturally desire to do for the rest of the day. I won't even try to explain what you'll uniquely experience throughout the day because the possibilities are infinite. I guarantee you 110% success when applied correctly!

To give this manifesting technique a super boost, without judging the process, write down the first 3 things that make you happy as fast as possible immediately Before starting this exercise.

2. Only do what you Feel like doing

Only do what you desire or whatever you feel like doing. Be aware that there is nothing you Have to do and there's nothing you Need to do to be happy. For the rest of the day, replace whatever you think you need or have to do with the desire to do it. Even if you don't naturally desire to do it, just pretend without judgement. Now, just imagine yourself feeling excited upon completion of that desire, then let it go from your mind and focus on something else. One must trust in this process to experience the fruit from it. Only do what you feel like or what you naturally desire to do. That is the way of KINGS!

3. Focus completely in the moment

Whenever you're in action of doing whatever you naturally desire, give it your full attention. The results of your desires are more fruitful when given full concetration. The beautiful thing is, whenever you're doing something you naturally desire, you automatically and naturally give it enough concentration for it to fulfill itself because it's something you naturaly feel like doing. Combine these three steps daily. Master this technique. Here's a little bonus for you: A quick and simple way of mastering it is, Imagine in your head that you've already performed this excersise before, and that it was super easy to implement, then let it go. The Happy Manifesting Technique is a guaranteed and proven exercise. It can also be tweeked and used to create abundance. Good luck!

Like many, I hope you found this article useful. Learn to manifest like a King and get your Free "Matrix of Mind" ebook here

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When You Ask 'Is That All There Is?'

2008-12-15T05:24:00.000-08:00

by Dave Smart

With the stock market having lost some 40% of its total value in the last year, and millions of homeowners having lost their homes or about to, the doom-and-gloom has really gotten to many people. The song "Is That All There Is?" popular a few decades ago, sung by Peggy Lee, has prevaled on the minds of many. It has been vilified by some as being morally bankrupt and worse. But as is so often the case, its moral state is more complex than what can be summed up in a few words.

If that's all there is, then lets keep dancing. . .

What is it that we do when we dance? We have the opportunity to be open, to our internal selves and to the world about us. We could surround ourselves with deafening music and many do, or we could dance in silence or near-silence, so that we may hear our inner selves and the inner essence of the world about us. Yoga and dance meditation are among the options. When our goals seem hopelessly far off, our horizons are nebulous and we cannot "accentuate the positive" because we can see no positive, it makes sense to put ourselves in a listening mode. It is not easy, to be honest; it is much easier to just rant on and be a victim. But in being receptive, in living in the present rather than the dead past or the unknown future, lies the wisdom of this surprisingly wise song. Now to be true I would sidestep the "break out the booze" but, if you can experience "having a ball" you just might experience the positive you think you cannot see.

It may seem incongruous to suggest that a Bible story may align itself with this issue: the story of Noah. If you would accept that in the Bible stories are parts of ourselves: a part of us is Adam, a part is the serpent, a part is Noah. At the start of the story God finds all mankind hopelessly bad and morally corrupt. But in Noah He found the exception to that, and so He called him. More importantly, Noah was listening, notwithstanding that he probably felt similarly about the world of his time, and so heard God's call. If we do not listen, we will not hear His call. His call may be as simple as to give a person a heartfelt smile, a person desparately needing at that point of time a 'guardian angel'. Or it may be for something more ambitious. Probably not to the point of building an ark, but then- who knows?

When I was in Spain doing my Camino pilgrimage there were several instances where I was saved from serious trouble by a 'guardian angel'. In each case it was a total stranger who came forward with a combination of skill and compassion at just the right moment to avert a calamitious situation. To give just one example of many: one night I was lost in the city of Pamplona, looking for a particular pension(pilgrim hotel); it was a rainy night, but I didnt know just how lost I was. Although I was not thumbing a ride, a total stranger in a car asked me where I was going, who spoke English well enough that we could converse. When I told her where I wanted to go she told me that was several kilometers away, and in a direction different than what I thought it was. She gave me a ride to where it was; not only that but helped me find a pension that was open and willing to receive guests. She inquired at three places that she knew before she found one. Talk about miracles!

I know nothing about what this person was like elsewhere in her life, nor whether she consciously thought that she had been called upon to be a 'guardian angel'. But if anyone who has an 'ear to hear' could so be called, that person's moral state elsewhere in his life doesn't matter. For all we know, Adolf Hitler could have been called at some point in his life to be a 'guardian angel'. I wouldn't put it past God to do that.

Of course it is only common sense to reach out and plan to achieve our goals with daily and effective activity. But the time will come when we will feel defeated, without energy or ambition to go forward. We then have the time and opportunity to listen. Although we should always listen, at these times we have no excuse not to.

Knowing the parts of ourselves that listen

At TCM and SPT we study "voices", that is, parts of ourselves that have recognizable characteristics and are present, more or less, in all of us. There is the Controller, the Critic, the Cynic; and then there are archetypal voices like Earth Mother, Warrior, Aphrodite, the Crone. All of these voices are primarily expressive rather than receptive, that is, they are stronger at talking and taking action than they are at listening, although each of them can and do listen. There are other archetypal voices that are stronger at listening: there is the Judge, which can also be an analyzer and evaluator; there are various child-voices, and there are voices that listen to the spirit world. It is these latter that could and would hear calls to help and assist, create, be a guardian angel - or just give that heartfelt smile to a passerby. None of these voices are 'good' or 'bad' in themselves; it is our moral state that calls upon each of them to do good or bad things. It is always our choice what archetypal voice to step in to - a primarily talking voice or a primarily listening voice. But if you are to ask "is that all there is?", you had better be in a listening voice if you expect any kind of an answer.

Living with these different archetypal voices within yourself can be a daunting task at times - especially if times are tough. If sorting out your internal voices is confusing and challenging, coaching is for you.

Copyright (c) 2008 Dave Smart

Dave Smart, the lead coach at Transcendence Coaching and Mentoring, has had extensive experience in helping people identify their inner voice through coaching techniques like voice dialog and dream work. He has had extensive experience in helping people escaping from cults reestablish their values and self-worth. If you are confused by the different values of different parts of yourself, check out TCM's website: http://www.transcendencecoach.com

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Our Goals Are Achievable If We Stick To The Plan

2008-12-15T05:20:00.000-08:00

by Fred Nicklaus

I spent my day at a horseshow with my daughter and my wife. Everyone who was there agreed that the show should have been cancelled because of the heat. Temperatures were 95 degrees in the afternoon and if it wasn't for the breeze that we were fortunate enough to have, it would have been completely unbearable for spectators, riders, and the horses.

I spent much of the day looking for shade under the trees on this farm. I even took some time to catch a nap on the cool grass under one of the tall oak trees on the property. Upon my waking from my little snooze I went to view the competition in the riding arena. I was treated to a demonstration of will by all of the riders present and it further demonstrated that our goals are achievable if we stick to the plan.

The goal was for every one of the riders to make it through a very tough day of above all normal summer temperatures and still do their best in the riding arena. Some were happy with their results and some may have wanted to do better, but all got on their horses and gave it their best even through the sweltering heat. The reward of riding in the show was far more important to these people than having to put up with the discomfort of putting up with the heat.

Many times we find that the goals that we set are often sprinkled with challenges and unforeseen difficulties. While going through the difficulties we may wonder why they have to happen to us, yet after the difficulty has passed, we often find that the difficulty actually added to the experience and gave us a better mix of stories to tell.

Difficulties and challenges almost always help us grow and appreciate the achievement of the goal more than if we would have been able to achieve the goal without some type of challenge or discomfort. It's when things become difficult that it's important for us to remember what the goal is and how important it really is for us to achieve it. It's at that time that we need to put our nose to the grindstone and our best foot and face forward to be sure that we can finish what we had set out to do.

Make the plan, work the plan,

Fred Nicklaus

For tips on raising more Rock Solid Kids visit www.ConfidentKidsCoach.com for free tips on raising your child to be a leader, and for the fitness training that will sky rocket your core body strength, check out www.CombatEnduranceTraining.com

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A Guide to Taking Action and Creating the Life You Want

2008-12-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

by Stephanie Russell

There is a life out there with your name on it and it is beyond even your wildest dreams. I can barely express in words how much I want for you to love your life! I want so much for you to experience the sublime joy that is yours when your life is your own. I however, can't do it for you. Only you can take the actions needed for you to create the life you want.

This is your call to arms. It's time to take action. Complaints and excuses get you no where. The time is now. The world has gotten to a place where most people are too busy blaming the other guy to take responsibility for their own actions. The other guy didn't create your life, you did. If you don't like where you're at right now, choose to create something different. Here is your next step: take action.

Stop wishing. Stop complaining. Stop waiting for someone else to come along and fix your life. Start getting clear about what you want. Start believing that what you want is already yours. Start taking action that moves you in the direction of your dreams and goals.

If you knew how to create the life of your dreams already, you'd have done it by now. It's time to take a new approach and learn what you need to learn to live the life of your dreams. Find someone who has done what you want to do, someone who has what you want to have and learn from them. Read books from authors you connect with, go to workshops and seminars, hire a coach if you want to, or take a class. Do something.

Unfortunately, you won't wake up tomorrow and suddenly have all the knowledge you need to create the life you want just because you decided you want it. The world requires commitment on your part. Show the world that you want something different and that you will do what it takes to get there. If you want to get the attention of the universe than start doing something different. The world around you will wake up and take notice.

If you are sitting there thinking that what you want isn't worth the effort, think again. Think about what you want that would be worth the effort because that is the dream that you are meant to be living. When you tap into the desires within your soul that are aching to come forward, you will move Heaven and Earth to have those desires be your reality. Actually, Heaven and Earth will move for you because you are a rarity in the world.

Once you decide what you want, it's time to start changing your ways. In order to have something different, you will have to try something new. This can be uncomfortable for some people, and it doesn't have to be. Treat it like an adventure. With each new experience a path unfolds before you leading you towards the life you've always wanted to have.

So how do you know what you need to do differently to reach your goals? Well, you don't. You have the choice of learning from the experiences of other people, or through your own trial and error. Really you'll do a combination of the two. You may try something that worked really well for someone else and it isn't quite right for you. That doesn't mean that you can't have what you want, it just means you'll have to try something else. Learn and move on.

Go with your gut. I can't stress the importance of your gut instincts enough. If you feel drawn to a particular person, book, or seminar, go with it. That's not necessarily me, by the way. I'm a fit for some people and I'm not for others. That's how it should be. There are resources out there that are a perfect fit for you and that are exactly what you need. Look at what is out there and go with what feels right for you.

Get help if you need it. There are people out there who specialize in helping other people have what they want in life. There is a whole industry around it called coaching and there are all different kinds of coaching specialities. There is someone out there to help you. You are not alone. I can't stress this enough either.

I am a coach. I believe very strongly in what I do and in what other coaches do. Coaches are very valuable resources to their clients because they give you individualized attention. I strongly suggest that if you are feeling stuck and aren't sure what you need to do next that you look into coaching as an option. There is a coach out there that is a fit for you and will meet your needs.

If your unhappy in your life it's time to take action and create a life you are happy about. Every resource in the world is available to help you create a life that brings you joy. Your fairy godmother has retired, so it's time to take matters into your own hands.

Go to http://www.divinepathcoaching.com for your free 25 minute Having It All Coaching Session with expert life design coach Stephanie Russell and receive a personalized action plan for having it all. Spaces are limited so contact today.

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Mentally Tough

2008-12-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

by Fred Nicklaus

Tiger could learn a whole lot of things that he should not be doing by watching a few rounds of me hitting a golf ball.

I started out pretty good and had my 18 year old son in the hole by two strokes after 4 holes but then the wheels came off of the bus. The 10 strokes that I had on the par 4 5th hole was the beginning of the end for the anti- Tiger. Final score Kirk 54 and me 64. That was a 9 hole score guys so don't get too excited.

Speaking of Tiger. Even though I'm not a golfer I always seem to find my way in front of a TV when Tiger plays in the major tournaments. I did the same this weekend and was treated to a highly skillful, unbelievably passionate display of golf by the world's number one guy.

This guy really has it. During the broadcast there was a short video about Tiger's dad and the things that he did to make his son mentally tough. At the very end of the piece Tiger's dad was talking about his son and saying that he told his son that there is no one mentally tougher. Boy and does it ever show.

I was in the Tampa airport and was listening to two guys laughing at the fact that Tiger rents a house for $50000 per week when he plays at Pebble Beach and then he has all of the furniture taken out and brings in his own furniture. These guys thought that it was ridiculous that someone would do that. Here's a few points that these two guys and so many others miss about proper mindset.

1. Tiger doesn't even blink at the $50000 price tag. The money isn't the big thing to him but the winning and the right mental state is. He even brings in his own furniture to make himself feel at home. It's all part of a winning environment

2. Winners have a system. Tiger Woods has not become the number one player in the world by random luck. Everything he does is planned in advance. You can be sure that his mental pictures are all about winning and seeing himself on the victory stand.

3. Tiger doesn't give a hoot about what others think about his winning formula. It works for him and that's all that matters. He is a champion for a reason. He prepares to be and then follows through on the plan.

All of us could learn from the tremendous mental and physical preparation that Tiger Woods demonstrates. His goals and his plan of action to reach those goals are very clear in his mind. He is steadfast in the pursuit of his goals and makes it a point to march forward everyday. Give some thought to what you are doing and willing to do to become the best that you can be. The lessons are all around us. We just need to take the time to look, listen, and apply.

Fred Nicklaus

For tips on raising more Rock Solid Kids visit www.ConfidentKidsCoach.com for free tips on raising your child to be a leader, and for the fitness training that will sky rocket your core body strength, check out www.CombatEnduranceTraining.com

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How to Receive What You Desire: Identify Your Sneaky Beliefs

2008-12-10T05:05:00.000-08:00

by Marilyn Schwader

Ever wondered why you aren't getting what you desire, even when you think you are following the Law of Attraction?

One clue: Look at your "But" statements; they reveal your sneaky beliefs.

What are those? Let me give you some examples...

"I'd like someone who is physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, emotionally available, mentally stable, and spiritually expanding," I said with conviction and seriousness. Then I added, "But, I don't know if there's really anyone out there who has all of those attributes."

What do you think I got in relationships? Lot's of people who didn't have everything I wanted. Here's another...

"I want financial prosperity... But, money goes out faster than it comes in!" Guess what happens?

And another...

"I bring healthy, positive, and uplifting friendships into my life." What I added was, "But it's hard to find new connections."

Those sneaky beliefs are everywhere! Not just when saying affirmations, they often come up in conversations with others, in humorous things I say to myself, as passing thoughts.

What I say and how I think are part of my awareness, creating that energy, no matter how slight the thought is, or how frequently I might utter a statement about that thought. When the energy is there, the law of attraction does its work, effectively canceling out the affirmation that the universe wants to answer. Whether joking or serious, thoughts make up my belief system, even if I don't immediately realize they are a part of my thinking.

So, to be the container for what I want to attract in my life, I have to pay attention to what my real beliefs are regarding what I desire.

What are your "But" statements that are keeping you from being the container to receive your desires? I'll bet that whatever that statement is, you are seeing that instead of what you truly want in your life!

Awareness of what you are saying is the first step. The next step is to train yourself to say only what you want, and be very specific about it. The universe can't answer if it doesn't know what you really want. So if you are confused, get clear. Then focus your intention. The more focused your energy, the quicker you will see results.

Ask for what you truly want, then be ready to receive it. Stay focused on the positive and don't let those sneaky beliefs keep you from having what you truly desire.

Marilyn Schwader uses a unique blend of knowledge and experience with technology, e-commerce, communication, and spirituality to help her writing coaching clients create and market their work. To find more of her tips, resources, and a schedule of her webinars, teleclasses, and retreats, visit http://www.clarityofvision.com

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How to Stop Fear from Running Your Life

2008-12-09T05:25:00.000-08:00

by hypnodeb

In these trying times, many are concerned about their jobs, investments and the future of our great country. According to the law of attraction, what you think about you create more of in life. Listening to the news and talking with friends and co-workers, your mind is constantly flooded with negative ideas, impending doom and the supposed sad reality of the current state of affairs. The subconscious mind is conditioned to react in these circumstances not out of faith but out of fear. To stop fear from running your life, you must become more conscious of your thoughts and where they are leading you.

If you allow fear to run your life, you can be pulled into darkness of your deepest anxieties and ultimately make unclear decisions. The fear will drive you to seek solace in money, food, mind-altering substances and other things of the world that can never bring you the salvation you desire. You will always be left wanting more, never satisfied and ultimately defeated. When you get to that point you may give up, become sour on life and disconnect from your spiritual practice. Fear has won.

You see, the fear was created because of your attachment to these worldly things. When doctors tell you that it is all in your head, they are right. Wanting things to be a certain way and in perfect order creates the upsets in your life when the opposite shows up. If you relied on money in the bank to feel secure, you are the one who creates the fear of lack when your 401K shrinks in half. Believing that one special person will make you happy creates the sadness when you are alone. You are in charge of your inner peace, and by letting go of the need for external situations to be different you can find serenity right now.

You may argue that you need a house and a job and food, how can you let go of the need for the things that sustain you and your family? I am not saying that you should not want a nice home, good income, health and family, my point is that just worrying about it does not change anything. Your thoughts create the panic about the situation which leads to more experiences that reflect those thoughts. When you let fear run your life, you ultimately draw more circumstances to you that mirror those fears. You can take action to improve your situation, and best results come when you hold your mind in the highest vibration of thought to attract what you desire. By doing this you can not only shift your destiny but attain a great feeling of inner peace during any conflict in your life. When your mind is calm and hopeful, your brilliance shines through and inspiration flows.

Challenges are a part of being human. Instead of looking at your situation as broken, see your circumstances as what you have to work with in this precious life. When you give up the idea that things are going to be ideal one day, you can relax in the uncomfortable times that every human faces. True bliss is surrendering to the moment. Knowing that everything that you identify as good or bad is temporary, you understand that this too will pass. I am not saying to just throw you hands up and let your whole life go to pieces, but use every obstacle as an opportunity to become stronger...fearless.

Think about a horror movie. At the beginning, they only show you the monster 's tail or shadow and it seems to be very frightening. Toward the end of the movie, after a dozen scenes of the monster in full view, you become desensitized and the creature seems less powerful. Just like any of our fears, when we just get a glimpse of a situation without examination, it can rule us. When you feel anxiety, ask yourself, "Why am I afraid?" or "What belief do I have that created this fear?" Once you identity the true root of your panic, smile at your fearful thoughts directly and stop allowing them to control you. By giving light to the circumstance and understanding that the source of your pain is based on a false idea in your mind rather than the actual event, you can become the master of your life.

About the Author

Debra Berndt is a Certified Hypnotic Love Coach, Host of The Love Coach Radio Show, and Author of the upcoming book, "Let Love In." Get free hypnosis download and her e-book on how to use self-hypnosis by signing up for her newsletter from her website at HypnoDeb.com

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Say NO

2008-12-08T06:05:00.000-08:00

by Bryan Kavanagh

The number one thing you need to say no to is society itself! You need to say NO to the everyday 'socially acceptable' things that are definitely affecting your progress! I may recieve some hate mail on this subject but, this is what i believe, feel free to disagree.

Now this quote does not only relate to time management! It relates to your body too! I know it sounds cheesy but in order to attain and/or maintain a lean physique you must say NO to a few things along the way. Things that hold you back!

Society - The number one thing you need to say no to is society itself! Now I am not saying you sit on your own in your room and eat broccoli and do push ups all day, I am simply saying that you need to say NO to the everyday 'socially acceptable' things that, well shouldn't be socially acceptable! I am going to reveal MY views on the situation, feel free to disagree!

During my recent stay in Las Vegas I saw a lot of gluttony, stagnation and LAZINESS. I saw people in restaurants eating WAY TOO MUCH! I saw people getting taxi's from one hotel to the adjacent hotel! But the thing that stood out most of all was; I saw people on these small motorised bikes, Im not sure if they were expecially for shopping or if they used them for all everyday activity. I am not taking a cheap shot at people that are restricted to wheelchairs! But I am taking a shot at people who aren't restricted to wheel chairs and STILL use them! I think people using these Bokes is a stab at the people who are actually restricted and NEED them! They are 'able' to walk yet they don't! They'd rather eat a load of nonsense and get fatter day by day! I seen this a lot in Walmart actually but this one instance stands out in my mind! A woman who WAS overweight but by no means obese was in front of me at the till. Now in my innocence I merely thought she was unable to walk and was actually sympathising with her (and thinking how cool it would be to have a go of her motorised bike) but when she was loading the conveyor belt thing at the till she dropped one of the products. Now I, thinking she couldn't get the object (a tin of whipped cream if you're wondering), moved in to help her but before I could she JUMPED out of the motorised thing and proficiently SQUATTED down (technically perfect squat) and got the can of whipped cream! Now I have to admit I was ASTOUNDED! What the HELL was she doing in the motorised thing?! She had no problems walking or jumping even SQUATTING! I just didn't get it. I went silent for while, paid for my ridiculously cheap bag of broccoli and canned mushrooms (I was on a budget ok?!) and headed back to the apartment. I don't know. . I really don't. She didn't need the bike, she was well able to move and she perfectly mobile. No visible limitations! Since when did this become acceptable? This woman was able to use this bike and not one other person in the queue batted an eyelid!?

society has accepted laziness and obesity as 'OK' and what you have to do is REJECT it at every turn!

Peers

Now let's discuss your peers! You need to keep a close eye on these! I'm sorry and I know this prospect seems a little bleak but they love to see you fail. The abhor the fact you are dedicated to your training and nutrition (are you? or your at least trying aren't you!?) and it drives them crazy that they don't have the discipline. To them when you resist them fries and that 'super size' it OUTRAGES THEM inside. They would never EVER admit this! But to them every time they see you slip up or get a little injury they secretly (perhaps even subconsciously) love it! They love the fact, for that 'split second' you were no better than they are! Say NO to the fries, Say NO to the sugary cocktail, say NO to the CAKE! Haha ok you can have a bit of cake (only if its your birthday though).

'Other half' i.e. girlfriend, husband etc

Ah the other half, just think of all the positive talk you get from the other half 'ehh you belly's getting bigger', or 'oh, you used to fit in them jeans' these sort of things can actually be motivational . . I'm not giving out about these! But the popular; 'you'll only last a week in the gym, you quit again' is one to watch! It's cruel but it's TRUE. I'm not trying to split anyone up here, I'm merely trying to point out that sometimes you have to say NO, maybe just say it to yourself not out loud (to avoid an argument), but say 'Yes, maybe my belly is bigger, and my jeans are tighter but not for long and NO, I will not quit'

Food

Here's the good one! Food being placed on front of you, at parties or functions or whatever, the server knows no better but you do! Let's take the baskets of complimentary bread that is dumped on your table before a meal? NO! Do not give in! Even if your associates say 'its still warm' or 'its so fresh' do not give in! They know you don't want it! They are saboteurs! In fact my friend told me recently that after he started the new nutritional programme I prescribed His own mother (now I know she meant well) was trying to FORCE FEED HIM CAKE. Despite his repeated objections, she persisted! And when he continually refused she actually told him 'your not eating right, come on eat the cake' Ha, so now cake is right!? Ok I'm getting a little psychotic here but you ALL have been in that situation! Just say NO! Your abs will thank you!

Yourself

Your biggest enemy is yourself! It's REALLY hard to say no to yourself! YOU are the hardest person to convince! 'ah ill be training later so I can afford to have this big smelly take-away' NO. Or 'ah dark chocolate is good for you' NO. 'Ah few more drinks can't hurt' NO. 'Maybe just a small desert, ill start the diet tomorrow' NO. You will try convince yourself that the negative behaviour you are about to undertake is 'OK' for you. . Be sensible and say NO.

Copyright (c) 2008 Athleticbodysystem

Log on to http://www.athleticbodysystem.com for more information on lifestyle management!

You can follow Bryans Blog here and pick up small heath and fitness tips at:
http://athleticbodysystem.blogspot.com

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Law Of Attraction: Mapping Your Manifestations

2008-12-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

by Timothy Aaron Whiston

Law of attraction allows you to create anything you want in your life. But you won't be able to manifest anything if you don't first get clear about exactly what it is you want.

As superstar motivational speaker Zig Ziglar often says: "You cannot hit a target you do not have."

Think about it: If you don't have very specific goals for exactly how you want your life to be how will you apply the law of attraction to make your dreams come true?

If you simply state you'd like to "make more money" you may end up with an extra five bucks. You must get extremely clear about how much more money you want.

Of course the same is true if you want to lose weight, find a perfect mate, build a new home, etc. Don't settle for general, half-hearted notions. Be absolutely specific about what you want, down to the finest detail!

Here's a great exercise to help you fill in all the exciting details of your ideal life. Read through this article once, and then apply the suggested method for mapping out everything you'll use the law of attraction to bring into your reality.

Find a quiet spot where you can relax. Wait until you are very calm and comfortable to begin the visualization.

Then close your eyes and see yourself five years into the future. Create a crystal clear picture of what all areas of your life will be like at that time.

What kind of a home will you have?

Where will this home be located?

Who will live here with you?

How many vehicles are in the garage, and what kind of vehicles are they?

What are you doing for a living in your future movie?

How much money are you making at this time?

Get super-specific, and call forth the most vivid images you possibly can. See yourself enjoying every aspect of your life.

And don't stop with just the visual imagery. To really harness the power of the law of attraction you'll need to also engage your other senses. Allow yourself to hear the sounds, touch the environment around you, even smell and taste the things in your vision.

And most importantly focus on the strong, positive emotions that come with your imagined success. Feel the joy, peace of mind, pride, satisfaction, and excitement that come with accomplishing all the great things you see yourself having and doing in this visualization.

Don't leave anything out, and don't hold back. Put all your intention into building this picture of you enjoying the life of your dreams.

Really get caught up in the process, until you honestly feel like you are there, in your future experience. Then smile as broadly as possible and hold your smile for several seconds.

Enjoy this visualization exercise for five minutes, ten minutes, half an hour, as long as you want. You should feel genuinely elated afterwards.

At the end of your session, you can even take out a piece of paper and write down what you saw. This reinforces your mental imagery tremendously, as our subconscious minds tend to place serious emphasis on the things we write down.

Make time for the above practice as often as possible, but no more than once each day. And after only a few times you will develop a very deep connection with exactly how you want your life to be.

You will have no doubt as to what you want. And you'll live with the utmost confidence that your dream life is on its way to you.

Practice this creative manifestation mapping for six months and it will probably blow your mind. This is one of the most powerful and direct ways for experiencing the power of the law of attraction.

Quickly and easily discover how to use the law of attraction in every part of your life. Download the original law of attraction book today and begin living exactly the life you most desire.

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Letting Go of Your Have-To's

2008-12-05T06:15:00.000-08:00

by Lea Houston

As I sat down to write this article my fiancé David called. He had just spent several hours in the 90' heat hauling and shoveling topsoil at a house he is selling.

"Well," he said after a few minutes, "It's really hot but I have to get back out there- I have to get it all finished this afternoon."

"Gosh sweetie," I said, "I'm just sitting down to write an article about Letting Go of Your Have-To's. Do you really have to do it?"

"No," he replied with remarkable good humor, "I want to."

"Would you please tell our listening audience," I asked in my best faux-radio-announcer-voice, "How do you feel when you shift from saying 'I have to' to saying 'I want to'?"

Thinking I might be pushing David's remarkable good humor a bit too much, I was relieved and impressed when he played along with me. He stoppped, took the time to feel the difference and replied, "It's a reality check.... I realize, oh yeah, I can't get way with that.... It's kind of a relief from an artificial sort of weight.... (Sigh) I can breathe a little deeper when I realize I am choosing to do it."

Do you ever notice the difference that one word can make?

I have to____________.
I want to_____________.

Fill in the blanks with anything you are going to do today and notice how different it feels to have to and to want to.

One of my clients recently realized that all day long she thought to herself, Now I have to go to the store, now I have to go walk my dog, now I have to go to yoga, now I have to go to get a massage, now I have to go meet my friend. She laughed as she told me, "I am retired, I can do anything I want to and I like everything I am doing but I think and talk about all of it like it is a hassle!"

Shifting to thinking and saying "I want to" made a big difference in her enjoyment- and sense of ownership- of her daily life. She is now doing the same activities but with a very different feeling inside and a different attitude toward those around her.

Notice when you say or think: I have to....

Ask yourself: Do I really have to?

No. Almost everything we do in life is a choice. Can you think of anything that you or anyone else actually has to do?

I believe it was Mark Twain who said the only thing a man has to do is pay taxes and die. Well, paying taxes is also a choice. There are consequences for not paying taxes but it is a choice nonetheless.

Why does it matter? It's such a little difference!

In becoming aware of the phrases "I have to" vs. "I want to" you are acknowledging your choice and you are consciously doing what you want to do or consciously choosing not to do it.

Sometimes we want to do something because of the consequences if we don't do it. That's ok. It's still really helpful to focus on the feeling of wanting to do it.

Have-To is energy sapping, dutiful, lead in your pockets. Want-To is light, enthusiastic and wind in your sails.

Have-To pretends to come from someone or somewhere outside of yourself. Want-To fuels you with your power of choice.

Life becomes easier and more fun when filled with Want-To energy.

This doesn't mean you should stop paying bills, taking care of your children, cleaning your house and going to work. If you really think about it you probably want to do those things.

Claim your power of choice and connect to your motivation. If you infuse your daily activities, with the sense of Want-To, your life will be better!

Sometimes noticing a persistent sense of Have-To is a reminder that it's time to make some changes, to choose to be creative and take action. Maybe there are times you really don't want to do something but you feel obligated. That's something to notice and to deal with honestly.

What subtle (or not so subtle) changes happen in your health, your relationships and your life when you shift from living like you Have-To to living like you Want-To?

It's only one word.

Little change. Huge rewards.

Transformational wellness coach, Lea Houston, MA, will help you create joyful health, vitality and well-being. Get her Free Special Report,
Let it Be Easy, and a free subscription to her popular e-zine, Self Care Celebration! rich with soulful and practical resources, tips and inspiration at
http://www.SelfCareCelebration.com

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The Power of Beliefs & Positive Attitude

2008-12-04T05:13:00.000-08:00

by Joel Yeo

Beliefs formed a big part of our lives. Successful people have always believed that they can be and will be successful in their life. Many of us have seen Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals in a single Olympic. That has created a history for himself. Many have envied his feat and the first thing in their mind will be, “Wow, how I wished I could be like him.” Have you ever wondered what could you achieve in your life? What will you do if you couldn’t fail?

In fact, anyone can achieve what they have wanted to achieve. It is about beliefs. Everyone is a born winner and we are the winner in our own lives. It is this belief that drives any individual to be successful in their own field. All successful individuals have strong beliefs in their lives and it is one of the bases for their success. If we had started to believe in our own self, the things that we can achieve will definitely give you a pleasant surprise.

Other than having a strong belief, it is the attitude that drives the individual to create their own history. The commitment towards themselves and the drive must also be present. Imagine having a strong belief in one self and having a poor attitude towards life, how would that individual turn out to be? One’s attitude comprises of the drive, the commitment and the desire to achieve their goals. If one has strong beliefs about the goals that he can achieve and he displays good attitude towards it, it would be no surprise to anyone that he will be able to achieve his goals.

Start believing in yourself that you can achieve your goals and with the right positive attitude, you will definitely be able to create the miracle that you have always dreamt of.

Joel has changed his life through the power of beliefs and positive attitude. He is a firm believer that anyone in life can achieve their dreams if they have the right method. Find out more at http://www.personalgrowthdevelopmentarena.com

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Don't Forget to Smile and Find the Joy

2008-12-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

by David Brooke

The smile is step one. Not feeling it? Try. If it triggers tears, so be it. When you're done crying try it again.

See, your body is directly linked to your thoughts and feelings. Smile with your mouth, and your being responds with a smile's closest companion, happiness. The more you do it, the happier you'll be. Learn to live in gratitude and record all of the things that you are grateful for, in your gratitude journal every morning. The difference in your life will be astounding.

A smile is sort of a multipurpose tool. Not only does drumming one up improve your mood, it makes you more approachable. People see a smile as an open door for conversation, or just for a return smile. It means you're friendly.

Smiling through frustration or hard times signifies strength. It tells the world you can 'suck it up' when you need to. Even if you are being wronged, saying something is far more productive than pouting.

Finally, a smile is simple good manners.

Finding joy, while related to finding your smile, is by far the most difficult task. Look at smiling as step one in a long process of finding joy.

Look for beauty. It's there, you know. Your senses are recording devices, so it makes sense to record what's best in the world. Take note of an especially full bunch of grapes at the market. It's perfect, isn't it? Clothes on a line, your elderly neighbor's face, well-done graffiti, all these things hold beauty. Artists have been finding beauty in the every day since the dawn of consciousness. It's your turn.

Allow yourself small luxuries. Draw hot, scented baths to soak in. Take long walks in the park, or better, in the woods. Call a friend over for coffee and conversation. Decompress. It's hard to be joyful when you're stressed out.

Finally, find your path, your reason for being here. This seems like a huge step, but really, it's not. If you like doing something, do it. Doesn't matter if it makes you no money, takes up your spare time, or even if you're not so good at it. A sketchpad, a model train set, a bike ride or a trip to the museum can be worth a thousand prescriptions for antidepressants. Find yourself, and joy will follow.

Copyright (c) 2008 Brooke Consulting Co.

David Brooke, aka "The Brooker" has been a coach, speaker, and motivator for over 25 years. He specializes in coaching people to cope and manage the stresses of life by applying an "attitude of gratitude." To access his strategies on how to utilize your Daily Gratitude Journal, and re-energize your life, please visit: http://www.thebrooker.com

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Stress Management - 7 Coping Skills For Stress Relief

2008-11-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

by Linda Hampton

Stress management is the controlling and reducing of tension that occurs in stressful situations. Everyone copes with stress everyday. "I'm SO stressed out!" - It seems like you hear it all the time from nearly every one you know . Most people are unprepared to deal with stressors that trigger feelings that can make us sick. Literally, sick.

The statistics are staggering. Research conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health has shown that anxiety disorders are the number one mental health problem among American women and are second only to alcohol and drug abuse by men. One in every eight Americans age 18-54 suffers from an anxiety disorder. This totals over 19 million people! Anxiety is the most common mental health issue facing adults over the age of 65. Treating anxiety disorders costs the U.S. $46.6 billion annually.

Health Psychology magazine reports that chronic stress can interfere with the normal function of the body's immune system. And studies have proven that stressed individuals are more vulnerable to allergic, autoimmune, and cardiovascular diseases.

Stress often prompts people to respond in unhealthy ways such as smoking, drinking alcohol, eating poorly, or becoming physically inactive. This causes damage to the mind and body.

There are 3 common types of stress:

Mini-stress - the annoying hassles of day to day life: - Heavy traffic - Cells phones with no power

Moderate-stress - the more significant day-to-day hassles that comes from deadlines and time pressures constraints - Project deadline at work - Holidays

Severe-stress - those events that are traumatic long term or permanent - Divorce or separation - Loss of job

Although there is no definitive answer to any of specific stressor you may experience, it's your coping skills that support your ability to manage stress.

Here are 7 coping skills to stress proof your life.

1.Know how to relax - find a quiet place, get comfy make sure your body is well supported. Breath slowly and deeply.

2. Eat right and exercise often - avoid caffeine and refined sugar, eat dairy products which may improve your mood. Make exercise a part of your daily life-even if it's only taking the stairs instead of the elevator or parking at the far end of the lot.

3. Learn it is OK to say 'no'. Often, many of us feel we have to say 'yes' to everyone, every time we're asked for help. You can't be all things to all people. You must first meet your own needs before you can truly give others what they need.

4. Take a mini-vacation from stress. If you can find fifteen minutes a day, or one hour a week if daily isn't possible, make a date with yourself. Schedule a walk around the block, lunch in the park, a sunrise or sunset alone, a bubble bath without interruptions.

5. Make time for yourself, your number one priority; once your own needs are met you will find you have more time for others. And you may find more pleasure in helping others when you don't feel that you must always put others needs before your own.

6. Go outside and enjoy Mother Nature. A little sunshine and activity can have amazing ramifications on your stress level and will enhance your entire outlook towards life. Your improved attitude will have a positive effect on everyone. Not only will you be less stressed, you will be healthier, happier, and more energetic; ready to face whatever obstacles come your way.

7. Have a good sense of humor. Be a resource to yourself. Try something new, learn to play again. Laugh. Laughter releases endorphins, chemicals in the brain that restore calm.

Stress management and how you cope with stress is part of your daily life. It's how you react to stress that makes all the difference in maintaining your health and well-being. Just like causes of stress differ from person to person, what relieves stress is not the same for everyone. You'll never completely get rid of stress, but you can learn to manage stress with coping techniques that work for you. I hope that I've given you some great ideas on how you can deal with stress.

Linda Hampton RN, MSN a wellness and stress management coach with over 15 years executive experience. Helping teams manage stress and meet goals. Would you like to learn stress relief techniques that get results? Learn how to dramatically improve your stress relief results by claiming your FREE 5 Part customized home study course at =>http://www.keytostressfreeliving.com/

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Helping an Alcoholic

2008-11-11T04:47:00.000-08:00

by Patrick Meninga

How can we best help an alcoholic?

The best way to help an alcoholic is indirectly. This means that you do not try to control or manipulate them. Do not try to beg them to stop drinking. Do not threaten them or shame them or engage with angry arguments with them. None of these tactics work at all. At best these tactics fail outright. At worst they drive the alcoholic deeper into drinking and isolation.

So how can we help them?

The first idea for you to grasp in attempting to help the alcoholic is that they are eventually going to make a decision to change for themselves, or they will not change at all. But the important thing for you to realize is that the decision must come from them. You and everyone else cannot make that decision for them. Not you, not the police, not a judge, no one.

The second idea for you to grasp is that this decision that will eventually be made by the alcoholic will be motivated by pain. Unfortunately this is the way it has to be. The alcoholic will finally decide that they have had enough pain and misery in their life and decide it is time for change. This is the only motivation that works. You could promise them a life of paradise if they quit drinking and this will do nothing to motivate them. The motivation has to come from pain and fear and misery.

Given these two ideas, you should be able to see where this is going. The most important thing for you to concentrate on in attempting to help an alcoholic is that you should never try to deny the alcoholic of their pain. The alcoholic is trapped in a cycle and experiencing pain and misery on a regular basis and your job is to step out of the way and let them endure that pain. For example, if an alcoholic gets loaded on the weekends and can't make it to work on Monday morning, they might lose their job. Let them. Do not attempt to cover for them or help them to keep their life held together. This is part of their pain and you should not deny them of it. Doing so will keep them drinking. Let them experience their pain and they might just sober up some day.

This does not mean that you have to actively inflict pain on an alcoholic. Nor does it mean that you should try to get them in trouble or set traps for them in any way. The alcoholic can screw up their life just fine without any help from you. And that is the whole point: "without any help from you." Stop "putting pillows under them" and let them fall on their face. Do not enable them in any way. Do not do things for them if they could have handled it while sober. Do not make exceptions for how you help them because they are drunk.

Don't bail them out of jail.

Don't call in sick to work for them.

Don't give them money. Ever.

Even if they need money for their kids or something, this is more manipulation on their part. Don't give it to them.

Understand that this has nothing to do with "being mean." Doing these things is not mean at all. You are not depriving them of anything. They are an out of control drunk and their demands are unreasonable. Why should you have to bail them out of jail? They don't bail you out of jail, do they? Their drinking is no excuse for being in jail. Their drinking is no excuse for missing work.

Stop making excuses for them and stop rescuing them. Over time they will be forced to face the consequences of their drinking and this will eventually lead to change. It is a long hard road but unfortunately it is the only way.

Want to learn more about how to help an alcoholic? Visit

http://www.spiritualriver.com/

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What You Think is What You Create

2008-11-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

by Nisaandeh Neta

Creativity requires courage and is therefore avoided by the majority of people.The creative process cannot take place until you are willing to let go of what you presently have and replace it with something new.

Often it requires confronting what you are currently holding on to (e.g. an unfulfilling relationship or an unfulfilling job), choosing to leave whatever it is, and then moving into a temporary void or chaos.It is only then that sufficient space is created, allowing a new vision to begin taking form.

Most people lack the self-esteem, confidence and courage to pass through this experience of nothingness.Instead, they seek to avoid creativity and passively wait for the next predictable experience or event to happen in their lives.

People all over the planet are waiting. Waiting for their parents' approval, waiting for their boss to give them a pay rise, waiting for their lovers to bring them into a blissful orgasm...Waiting, waiting and more waiting...

At a first glance it seems that 'waiting' is harmless. But whilst those in waiting complain, whine and make excuses - they infect others with their apathy, disgust and general avoidance of contributing to the planet. Instead of participation, they simply suck off those who choose to create, complaining that 'they' have all the power, influence and fun.

The bad news is that most of us, at some time, suffer from this 'waiting' illness.

The good news is that we all can change, and do it differently, if we are willing...

Willing is a key word.

It is what creates the energy and courage to create.

Wanting, by itself, just isn't good enough.

In other words, wanting a better job, a loving relationship or a healthier body doesn't create them.

Being willing to have them is what creates them.

Being willing moves you beyond your limitations into greatness.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to simply point your finger at an empty space in your room, whisper a magic word and...POOF... whatever you ask for is suddenly manifested?

Manifesting is the magic of transforming a thought into a physical reality.

And you are capable of manifesting!

Actually, this is how everything, both positive and negative, in your reality is created.

Birds fly, fish swim and humans create. This is our nature.

Let's take this chair that you are sitting on. Someone had to think about it, design it and create it. First there was the thought, only later there was the chair. You also had first to think, "I need a chair" before you went to the shop, looked around, chose and finally purchased the chair. First there was the thought, only later, the chair...

Whether you are consciously or unconsciously creating the thought, you are the cause and therefore the creator of your life.

Professional Improvement Plan - Eliminate these Seven Deadly Habits

2008-11-05T05:07:00.000-08:00

by Annette Estes

This may sound like a mix of the 7 deadly sins and Steven Covey’s 7 habits, and maybe it is.

People are beginning to realize that what happens in their lives comes from inside rather than outside ourselves. If we’re struggling, it’s because there’s at least one area of our lives in which we’re out of integrity.

So here’s a list of 7 habits to eliminate if you want to move forward and achieve more success and happiness.

Procrastination. The Scarlett O’Hara “I’ll do it tomorrow syndrome.” Why do we put off doing what we believe we should do? Maybe the fact it’s a “should” could be one reason. Ask yourself why you should be doing this. Is it because someone else or society thinks you should? Not a good enough reason. If it’s something you feel you need and want to do, even if it’s a chore, then putting it off only causes stress. Do it, delegate it, or dump it. Lord Chesterfield said it before Nike condensed it, “No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination; never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” Overcoming procrastination is tough, but not impossible. Do just one thing today you’ve been putting off and you’ll feel better.

Wasting time. This may be either a cause for procrastination or a result of it. It’s not always a bad thing. When we’ve worked hard, we deserve down time and if vegging out is what feels best, then do it. What I’m talking about is a habit of wasting time rather than living up to our responsibilities. Benjamin Franklin said, “Remember that time is money,” and aren’t we good at wasting both at times? The difference is if we waste money, we can earn more. Wasted time is gone for good.

Blaming others. Who’s standing in your way of getting what you want? Your parents, siblings, boss, co-worker, the government? If only he wouldn’t or she hadn’t or they didn’t is a game we can’t win. People treat us badly sometimes. They don’t do what we want them to do. And we do the same to them. Is it your fault someone else didn’t succeed? No, and it’s not their fault you didn’t. Jean Paul Sartre said, “…we are responsible for what we are.”

Judging others. I believe this is a root cause of most of our troubles in the world. It is an irrefutable law of nature that what we give out, we will get back. So the Golden Rule isn’t a demand of what we “should” do. It’s a beautiful way of expressing how to live if we want to reap rewards and justice for ourselves. “Judge not” may be the best advice we’ve ever been given.

Making excuses. Okay, I’ve got two puppies. Maybe the dog did eat your homework, but you can only get away with that one once. People see through excuses and don’t respect those who make this a habit. Remember, everything we do is a choice, so best to own up to our failings and then not repeat them. Shakespeare had a good take on it in King John, “And oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse.”

“Yeah, buts.” One time someone was coaching me and I was being stubborn in accepting her observations. She finally said to me, “Do you realize you’re saying ‘yeah, but’ a lot?” I hadn’t, but it helped me for her to point it out. A friend of mine once had this expression on his vanity license plate. It’s so annoying to try to communicate with someone who “yeah, buts” everything we say. It indicates a negative, pessimistic outlook and who wants to be around people like that?

Negativity. Which brings us to the last and perhaps deadliest habit, the one that may be responsible for all the others. A habitual negative attitude is the sure way to fail. I’m talking of seeing the bad in people or situations rather than the good, expecting failure, fearing success. Negative self-talk is perhaps the worst thing we can do to ourselves. We do become what we tell ourselves we are. As Henry Ford advised, if you say you can’t or you can, you’ll be right. Work on managing and minimizing negativity if you want to be happy and successful.

Make it a habit to be kind to yourself. Work on self improvement and realize we’re all doing the best we can, even when we know we’re not.

Want tips on improving your relationships? Order the author’s ebook, Why Can’t You See it My Way? Resolving Values Conflicts at Work and Home at http://www.resolveconflictnow.com Annette Estes is a Certified Professional Behavioral and Values Analyst. Contact her at http://www.CoachAnnette.com ©2008. Annette Estes. All rights reserved.

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Unplug from the World, Often

2008-11-04T04:38:00.000-08:00

by Weston Lyon

I know this may sound counter-productive, but getting away from your work can speed productivity and effectiveness. When we try to get more done, we stress-out and push, push, push. Instead, try unplugging from the world and relax.

When you relax and unplug (as often as possible), you're able to be more creative. You're able to see the forest through the trees. You're able to flow instead of struggle.

I know you want to go-go-go! But learning to relax and let go, and allowing yourself to unplug will help you get more done in less time. Here are some strategies I use and how you can too:

1. Vacation

Everyone loves to go on a vacation. Unfortunately though, most people view going on vacation as a once a year adventure.

This doesn't have to be the case. In fact, I suggest you don't go on vacation once a year. Instead, plan one big vacation every year with mini-vacations in between.

Here's what to do:

- Choose 4 places you want to go.

They don't have to be far away. They just have to be places you want to go. For instance, you can go to a hotel across town; you can go to the closest amusement park; or you can go to the closet ski resort (or beach if you prefer).

- Open up your calendar and block out 4 weekends over the next 12 months.

It's important to block the time for these mini-trips right away. That way you know when you're going. Also, block the time to go every 3 months. This will keep you moving forward without burnout.

- Book your flights and/or any other arrangements.

Yes, book your arrangements NOW! Make them non-refundable, so you don't back out last minute. You deserve these mini-vacations, so don't wimp out because something comes up...remember, you're important too!

2. Meditation

Meditation is wonderful. Over the past 12 months, I've started meditating on a daily basis. And in that time frame, my business has doubled and my productivity has quintupled.

Has it all been from meditation? Probably not.

BUT, one, why mess with a good thing? And two, meditation has brought me to a place in my life where my work just flows.

Things get done quickly and with less effort. Projects materialize in days or weeks instead of months or years. Life is all around just easier.

That's what I want for you. So, here's a meditation to get you started down the path of being more productive, of making more money, of living an easier life, and whatever else YOU want:

- Sit down in a quiet place and turn off ALL phones, cell phones, crackberries, or anything else that goes buzz, beep, or sings songs.

- Set a timer for 5-10 minutes. Your cell phone works great...just put it on vibrate so you don't jolt your mind.

- Take 5 deep breathes from your diaphragm. This will help you clear your mind.

- Now, as you continue to breathe deeply, let your mind wander.

Don't think of anything in particular...just let go and allow thoughts to flow in and out of your mind without trying to grab any of them.

If you catch a thought by accident and start focusing on it, relax and just let it go when you catch yourself doing this.

- Congratulations! You just meditated. Nothing to it!

3. Massage

Receiving a muscle melting, mind-numbing massage lets the world pass you by...just for awhile.

Massage has a plethora of benefits. Two of the most exciting benefits when it comes to enjoying this simple pleasure are, one, stress dissolves and you can finally relax; and, two, your muscles "let go" and any tension melts away.

Getting a massage isn't hard to enjoy. However, here's a list of techniques I use to move my massage time from enjoyment to pure bliss. When receiving a massage:

- Practice breathing deeply from your diaphragm. This will allow your body to relax and your muscles to "let go".

- Imagine your muscles melting into the table. A good imagery technique is: think of your muscles as ice; and as your massage therapist presses into your muscles, they melt into the table leaving soft water instead of hard ice.

Don't think. Just relax and go with it. This may be hard at first, but the more massages you get, the easier it will become.

4. Exercise

Exercise produces endorphins in your body, which make you feel like a million bucks. Exercise also challenges you physically and allows you to forget about your worries, troubles, and problems.

While there are many exercise styles, 3 excellent styles of bodyweight exercises to help you unplug are Yoga, Calisthenics, and Tai Chi.

Here are some techniques to keep in mind while exercising:

- Breathe - keep your breath as steady as you can throughout the exercise. The more breathing you do, the more beneficial the exercise is...and as a bonus, the more fat you burn!

- Focus - keep focused on the muscles you're working. The more focus and intent you're able to put on our muscles, the harder they work...and the less you think.

- Relax - keep your body in a relaxed state. Yes, you're going to be moving, sweating, and exhausting your body; but keep relaxed and without tension or stress.

5. Walking

Yes, walking is a form of exercise, but, in this case, I'm talking about "slow walking". Slow walking is like a moving meditation. It will loosen up your mind, while allowing your blood to flow.

After a slow walk, you'll feel calm, yet energized. Carefree, yet aware. Slow walking is different from regular walking because you're not doing it for the exercise. You will be exercising your muscles during this type of walk, but that's not the purpose.

The purpose is to meditate while walking. Here's a simple technique to use:

- Start by walking at your normal pace. Preferably outside in nature, but a treadmill or indoor track will do if need be.

- Now, slow down your walk as if you are contemplating every step.

- Listen to the birds chirp and the grass grow. Clear your mind and let your thoughts wander.

- Walk for as long as you'd like without any real purpose but to let go and be one with god and nature.

Okay, so what makes all of this so special? How will this allow you to get more done?

One, you're learning to relax. And in today's fast-paced, all-go-no-stop world, you need to relax. Two, you're teaching your mind to stir up creative juices when you're relaxed. The more creative juices flowing, the more you can get done in a shorter period of time. (Most people take time to think about what they want to do instead of just letting it flow.)

You see, your subconscious mind works better when you're relaxed and NOT thinking. Let your subconscious mind do its thing and you'll reap the benefits of exploding your productivity and effectiveness!

Copyright (c) 2008 Weston Lyon

Weston Lyon is the nation's leading expert on helping crazy-busy entrepreneurs have it all - family, business, and fun! For more information and to receive over $188 in FREE gifts go to http://www.CreatingAnOutstandingLife.com

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Fall - Time to Change YOUR Leaves

2008-11-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

by Denise Ryan

Fall is one of my favorite times of year—the temp starts dropping, the air gets crisp, the trees put on a glorious display of color—I love it! I also think it's a great time to drop what's not working for you. If trees can let go of every leaf, why can't we let go of what no longer serves us? Here are some possibilities: excess weight, too much clutter, bad relationships, bad habits, bad debt. Just how long are you planning on carrying those dead leaves around? And you know that you can't grow any new leaves with those dead leaves blocking all the sunshine.

I know what I'm asking you to do is hard. I'm asking you to change what could be lifelong patterns of behavior. I know it is not easy. But here's the deal—continue on your current path and your situation will only get worse. The latest statistics on obesity are shocking—in less than 8 years, 75% of Americans will be overweight and 41% will be obese! We are turning into a nation of fat people. Why? Because of our habits—we eat too much, we exercise too little. Think you're heavy now? Guess what, unless you change those leaves, you're going to be a whole lot heavier in eight years.

I just put together a seminar called "Kicking Your Own Buts" on how to change this type of behavior. I studied different methods of change and researched changing the most difficult behaviors—addictions' to see if there were lessons for the rest of us. There were:

1.) Know thyself. Truer words were never spoken. You know what is going to work for you and what isn't. If you've been a night owl for 40 years and hate exercise, getting up at dawn and running is not going to work for you. Craft a plan you can live with. Forever.

2.) Oh yeah, baby—we're talking forever. The deal is not the change itself—most alcoholics are great at quitting. It's the staying sober part that's hard. Dieters can lose weight—they're good at that—it's keeping it off that's hard. If you can't do it forever, it's no good.

3.) You have got to want to change for you. I watched many, many episodes of A & E's series Intervention and only those who really want to get better have a chance. Most bail out as soon as their family is out of sight. Change is hard as hell—if you don't really want to do it for yourself, don't bother trying.

4.) Try Kaizen. Kaizen says take tiny steps. I did this with my backlog of e-mail. I have serious perfectionist issues—if I can't do it all and do it right, I'll put it off. (See #1) My inbox was getting to be a nightmare. E-mail needed to be deleted or filed or dealt with. Then I tried Kaizen—I would just aim to have 10 less in the inbox at the end of each day. Then I went to 25 less, etc. I got through the backlog and now have a cap (no more than 50) that can be allowed in my inbox at the end of the day. You can do this with anything—walk in place for 5 minutes while watching your favorite TV show. Build up gradually. Leave one bite of food on your plate. Kaizen is all about taking small steps to change. You've been practicing your bad habits for a lifetime—stop expecting to change them overnight!

5.) Get smart. Dean Ornish observed that even when told if they did not change they would DIE, heart patients did not change their eating and exercise habits. He discovered that doctors were just telling patients to exercise and lose weight, not telling them how to do it. You have to learn about whatever change you are trying to make. Many of us eat without really paying attention. I noticed my jeans feeling a little snug and realized the scale was moving toward my—OHMYGOD weight. So I started writing down everything I was eating. Everything. A cookie here, a piece of candy there, a roll at lunch—it adds up faster than you realize. Start writing. All I want you to worry about is calories. Do you even know how many you need JUST TO MAINTAIN your current weight? Find out ASAP if not—go to mayoclinic.com and look under health tools for their calorie calculator. Don't lie about how active you are. The number you get (maybe around 2,000) is all you should eat if you don't want to gain any weight. I'm not talking about losing—I'm talking about staying where you are today. Guess how many calories are in one slice of P.F. Chang's Great Wall of Chocolate cake? One piece = 2,000 calories. Wake up! Look at serving sizes. You may think a bowl of your favorite cereal has only 70 calories. But that's for 1/3 cup and you've been pouring a bowl of two cups (420 calories). Knowledge is power. Ignorance is not bliss. In this case, ignorance is obesity. Apply the knowledge plan to any change you want to make. What you know now is clearly not enough.

6.) Ask for help. We Americans are tough and we believe we have to go it alone. AA and other programs work for people because they give them a support group. Ornish found in his work with patients that if they had others to offer them support, their efforts at change were much more successful. This could be a mentor, a therapist, a family member, a friend or a teacher. There are also thousands of groups on the Internet—just search and see. Having other people trying to make the same change as you are supporting and encouraging you can be a huge help. The key here is fit—it has to be a person or a group you are comfortable with and you trust and respect. Change is hard, but it's much easier if you have some support along the way.

A tree is not its leaves any more than you are your habits. Have the courage to let go of what's not working. Nothing says fall like the smell of burning leaves.

Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers. She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

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How to discover your NEW LIFE

2008-11-01T06:16:00.000-07:00

by Dorothy Tannahill Moran

If you are past 40, a phenomenon will take place (if it hasn't already) where you will wake up one day and wonder "What's next?" This time of questioning has become fondly called a mid life crisis. I don't think this mid life question needs to be a crisis, but as a society that loves to ignore the obvious, you will have a major shift in your mid life. How you choose to handle it, will determine if it turns into a crisis or not.

The reason why this "something" happens in your mid life has to do with a number of factors. One factor is the normal course of events that take place in a person's life. You finished school, launched a career, married, had a family, bought a house and added to your financial burdens. You gained momentum along the way and received promotions, upgraded to a nicer home and maybe have the kids in college. These are the things our first major adult dreams are made of. When you more or less have them checked off your to-do list, the natural reaction is to wonder what the next big thing is in your life.

Another factor for this shift at mid life is that now we are the well seasoned life travelers that we are, we also shift from "having" to "being". Having is mostly about having something in your life, like I mentioned above. The "being" part is now about what kind of person are you being or becoming. This concept is a bit trickier to grasp, so stay with me on this. Being is a verb in this instance. Being is about you BEING a more loving person and wanting more out of the relationships, or enjoying the work you are doing. It's at a more visceral level within a person and not always so easy to identify. That's how the crisis comes in. That's when the guys hit on the young babes and the red sports cars and the women dye their hair. Clearly, not complete lists of reactions, but hopefully you get the idea. I will separate out the concept of how to identify what these signals are from how NOT to react.

These subtle, internal signals may come in several forms, but often times have a theme of "I want more out of my life" or "I need to find my purpose". Also, don't get hung up on the statements, I'm trying to portray a concept. What is taking place is an urge for something else, to pursue something bigger than yourself, more meaningful than what you're doing right now. You might start experiencing a sense of dissatisfaction. At first, this sense may make you feel restless and unclear about your life on many levels. We don't talk about these feelings or urges and certainly our society doesn't talk openly about them, other than the mid life crisis jokes. The feelings come first, which sparks off a period of self examination. It is through this period of self examination where things go really well or you become a cliché'. The process you must and will go through isn't a quick one, so you don't rush it. It is the catalyst for change, so you must embrace it, in all its glorious discomfort. Use this process to do your personal research. Read books enroll in classes, travel, and jump into life. Talk to people who do things that interest you. This is a rediscovery of yourself and you won't find it by watching TV.

There are some things to avoid during this period. As I said, you don't want to turn into a cliché'. Many people take this period of discomfort as a signal that their relationships are bad. So, they dump the one they're with and head off to the next thing that looks fun. They might make a big fun purchase like a car. These actions are heading you in the wrong direction potentially. They are replacing the "having" part of life, so they will never satisfy you, which could trigger even more desperate measures. Like it or not, you have to go through that internal self examination, if you don't, you rarely move forward in an exciting, meaningful way. You could stay in a loop of meaningless actions followed by personal dissatisfaction. These people will ultimately calm down to a degree but on the other side of it they keep a cynical outlook or a general sense of dissatisfaction. You can avoid this; life is and can be even more exciting on the other side of this change.

Here are my pearls of wisdom on mid life change. Know that it will happen to you, whether at 41 or 59, it happens to us all at different times. Because of where you are in life, it can move you in directions that can exceed your wildest imagination. No, the younger crowd hasn't cornered the market on excitement. We have much more freedom - fewer hang ups. Be patient with yourself and the process for change. Nothing great was accomplished over night. Learn to dream all over again.

Copyright (c) 2008 Dorothy Tannahill Moran

Dorothy Tannahill Moran, change,transition and retirement coach http://www.nextchapternewlife.com dorothy@nextchapternewlife.com call: 503 6219642

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The Seven Principles for Making Relationships Work

2008-10-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

by Catherine Auman

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Crown, 1999) is a book that I often recommend for people who are wishing to improve their relationships, married or otherwise. The author, Dr. John Gottman, actually hooked couples up to electrodes and watched what happened to their blood pressures and heart rates while they talked to each other. He found that he could predict with 91% accuracy whether their relationship was slated for the long term or headed for break-up.

Dr. Gottman found that even happily married people have screaming matches; the difference is in the way they argue. What is death to a relationship is treating your partner with criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or refusal to communicate.

Dr. Gottman's seven principles are:

1. Enhance Your Love Maps

Find out what works with your partner and do more of it.

2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

Focus on what you like about your partner rather than their faults.

3. Turn Toward Each Other

Instead of Away One of the most destructive things you can do when things are going through a rough patch is to isolate and go off by yourself, leaving your partner alone to imagine the worst. Dr. Gottman found that couples with good relationships stick with their partner and turn toward each other seeking solutions to their problems.

4. Let Your Partner Influence You

Dr. Gottman identified this as especially challenging for men: letting their partners influence them to share more vulnerability, to talk more about their feelings, and to not need to be in control all the time.

5. Solve Your Solvable Problems

Dr. Gottman says that 69% of the problems in any relationship will never be solved, so it is good to focus on the 31% that can be. Pick your battles.

6. Overcome Gridlock

Get whatever help you need to keep problems from backing up.

7. Create Shared Meaning

Examples of this would be to create new rituals around holidays and vacations.

Happily married people live an average of four years longer than those not so blessed, and have been shown in test after test to have healthier immune systems, less chance of getting sick, and higher scores on happiness measures. To learn more about what you can do to improve your relationship, I would recommend this book to anyone. It is easy to read and has practical advice you can put into practice immediately.

© Catherine Auman 2008

Catherine Auman, MFT is a spiritual psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, Calfornia. She has advanced training in both traditional and alternative methodologies based on ancient traditions and wisdom teachings. Visit her online at http://www.catherineauman.com

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Dealing with Difficult People at Work and at Home

2008-10-29T04:54:00.000-07:00

by Beth Banning and Neill Gibson

Do you find yourself, all too often dealing with difficult people? How do you deal with it when a storm of angry words starts coming your way? Do you feel physically ill when dealing with an difficult war angry person? Do you wish you could just disappear, or snap your fingers and make them go away? Or are you the type who becomes angry right back at them? Don't worry, these are normal symptoms in response to someone else's anger; dealing with anger is indeed stressful, isn't it!

The good news is that it doesn't have to be...

Believe it or not, some people don't let it bother them. They just remain calm and peaceful when faced with anger and upset. Wouldn't it be great to understand what they understand? Well now you can! Here are a few simple tips that will help you breathe easy the next time you must deal with an angry person.

Often times when we realize someone is upset the first thing we do is take things personally. We believe that the only reason they'd be upset--and telling us about it--is that it must be about us. The very first thing to understand when dealing with these situations is that it's all about them, not you!

I know what you're probably thinking: "There's no way I can't take it personally when I have this person yelling at me and throwing accusations in my face!"

There's no question that this will be difficult at first, but when you understand this one thing it becomes much easier to avoid taking these things to heart: Every statement you hear someone say stems from a deep and innate desire to fulfill their needs or to support something they value. And you probably do the same thing - its typical human behavior.

Absolutely Everything = Needs and Values.

For instance, someone who is upset may simply have a need for consideration, or they might really value dependability. By getting upset, they are trying to fulfill these needs or honor what they value.

As an example, let's say that an angry person met with Gandhi (if he were alive). And the first thing he says to Gandhi is, "You have no idea what it means to suffer or face difficulties in life. You have people helping you with every daily task you do! You're such a fake!"

Can you imagine Gandhi responding to this as some people would-- defensively, with anger and critical words? "I'm a fake? Why don't you try walking one day in my shoes... you wouldn't last a minute. You selfish little man-- I bet you don't even work for a living, you probably just go around telling everyone else how lazy they are!"

We can imagine where this conversation would end up!

It's difficult to think of Gandhi reacting in such a way, but why wouldn't he? What secret did he know that most of us don't?

Gandhi realized that the angry man in this situation has his own problems and is simply taking it out on him. The man is upset because his needs have not been met, and things in his life are out of harmony with his values.

So, from now on, try to remind yourself that everything people say or do is an attempt to meet their needs or support something they value.

The next uncomfortable situation you find yourself in with an angry person, don't start justifying yourself, but instead begin by remembering that their anger is about them and their life.

Don't take it to heart.

Think about this: Do you want your wellbeing to be dependent upon others, or do you crave happiness that is dictated only by the decisions you make and how you choose to live your life? Take control of the situation by aligning your values with the actions you take.

Another great way to maintain your cool when dealing with others' anger is to take on the stance of curiosity. Start to wonder, "Hmm, this person really seems tense. I wonder what's happening in their life to make them so upset."

Try to take a moment to empathize with their situation and think, "If I acted the way they're acting toward me right now, what might possibly be happening in my life?" Try to come up with answers.

Switching your mindset by focusing your attention in this manner can really set you free from acting or feeling defensive. It will lead you to a more peaceful place and will support you in filling your life with happy, satisfying relationships you can enjoy.

"Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means." ~ Albert Einstein

Let's recap: - Anxiety and defensiveness isn't the only way to deal with angry people. - Whatever someone says or does is in support of something they value or to meet some need. - Their anger is all about them, don't take it to heart. - Take on the stance of curiosity. - Your wellbeing is not dependent on how others act or what they say.

When dealing with angry people, these strategies will help open the door to a new sense of freedom and wellbeing. No longer will you be controlled by your environment. You get to decide how you'll respond and what actions you'll take.

If you really want to break the cycle and change the way you respond to anger, the first thing you must do is develop critical skills for reducing unwanted stress in the face others who are angry. Want some great advice you can apply now for dealing with stress and designing the life you desire? Sign up for our inspiring Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: http://www.newageselfhelp.com

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How To Increase Your Motivation And Achieve More Goals

2008-10-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

by Kenny Lindsay

One of the most challenging problems facing people in their lives is getting motivated to achieve their goals. Quite often they actually know what they want to achieve but just can't get themselves to take the proper action. In the article below we look at some great techniques you can use to get yourself motivated and taking positive action in order to achieve your goals.

A powerful tactic to use is to think about what you'll lose out on if you don't take action and follow through. If you can associate pain to the failure that comes from not following through, then you're more likely to get motivated and do whatever it takes to succeed.

A great motivation inducing practice is to stop perceiving the task that you've decided to accomplish as being so massive by breaking it down into smaller, more easy to negotiate steps. By breaking it down and only focussing on the little tasks you'll become more inspired since it seems far more realistic to take small steps and by taking some action you'll start to get momentum to take you to the next level.

It is important when motivating yourself that you reward yourself along the way rather than depriving yourself until the final victory.Achieving anything worthwhile is going to take time and energy and so it's important that to make the journey towards your goal more enjoyable that you celebrate the little successes along the way since these are what propels you to you destination.

A fun method of motivating yourself can be to start a bet with a family member that if you don't achieve your target by a specific date then you automatically must pay them a sum of money. It is important that you keep to the bet, regardless of outcome, in order that the motivation be genuine and not something you can go back on your word on.

Announcing publicly you're going to achieve can increase your motivation in a massive way. If you desire to lose 20 pounds in weight over the next 9 months then declaring you're going to do this at the gym or at a family gathering can be a really powerful motivator.

If you don't seem to be able to get yourself excited about a certain goal then you might decide to give up this goal and go after something else. There is no shame in turning your back on a goal and every reason to do so if it frees you up to set a new goal which will get you really excited and motivated.

A mental technique which you should definitely use is to vividly imagine what your life will be like when you accomplish your goals. By seeing the possiblity of great new things materialising in your life in the future it will increase your motivation to take action in the present so that when you arrive in the future it'll be brighter and better.

If you want to discover the secrets to achievement then go to http://www.instantachievementlibrary.com/ where you can, for a limited time only, immediately download 3 of the most influential chapters ever written on achievement, all professionally narrated on mp3, for free!

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Change your definition of failure now!

2008-10-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

Change your definition of failure now! by Doug Hart

The other day I was watching a football game (it�s September as I write this, ok?) and I was thinking how difficult it must be for a team to do well the entire game, only to see the opposing team take the lead in the final seconds of the game. How demoralizing! How does a person, let alone a whole team, stay focused enough to try one more time to go down the field and score again to win, knowing they have only seconds to do it. After all, they have been working so hard all game, and now that they have less than a minute to go, the other team is winning! Would you have the drive to do it one more time? The odds are against the team, after all, of driving about 75 yards and even scoring a field goal. On this day, the team did it. I won�t mention what team, it doesn�t matter. The point is they �found a way�, somehow, to get it done one more time!

You may say �what does that have to do with my life?� After all, a professional athlete is paid millions to do his job. I would give it my best effort every minute too if I knew I was cashing those monster checks! However, do you really think that money is the prime motivator in life? Even if it was, you have to start at the bottom in any business or endeavor, even as a football player. You work hard, sacrifice, and hope to get to the top someday, but what role do setbacks play in your hopes for achieving success? Are you prepared for a few setbacks? Maybe you are one of those that try something new, and at the first sign of �failure� says it just isn�t going to work for you? I hope not, because that is surely teaching yourself to be a loser!

If you give up after only a few tries, aren�t you programming yourself for future failure? The best way to avoid failure is to never give up, fight until you win!

Let me tell you a little story of man who never gave up. I�m sure you�ve heard these stories before, like Thomas Edison trying almost 10,000 times before he finally perfected the light bulb. But this is a story of a man most people never heard of, and never will beyond this letter. His name is Maxcy Filer and he is from California. He always wanted to be an attorney, so in the 1950�s he went to law school and eventually graduated. He was an intelligent man, and very hardworking, but just didn�t �test well� as they say. He first took the California bar exam in 1966, when his two boys were in elementary school. He didn�t pass. Therefore, he tried again, and again, and again�.He eventually took the test 48 times, after spending an estimated $50,000 dollars on fees, bar review course, etc. and finally passed the test! By this time, it was 1991 and nearly 25 years later. His boys were already grown by then, and were lawyers themselves. Now this wasn�t an easy test, the test requires examinees to pass a 300-question multi-state multiple-choice section, two three-hour performance tests, and a plethora of specialized essays on state and federal law topics ranging from community property to criminal procedure. This is the most incredible example of perseverance I can personally think of and drives home the point entirely, which is you only experience failure when you admit failure! Maxcy never gave up, and kept on telling himself �next time, next time� until he finally did it. Would you have given up sooner? Next time you think about quitting anything from a diet plan, to project at work, to that goal of getting your bachelors degree or masters, think of Maxcy Filers story. What does it take to be a winner?

The courage to never give up, that�s what it takes!

To your continued success and happiness!

Doug Hart, CHO of GetPassionForLife.com

I've spent many years studying psychology, philosophy, NLP, and motivation. My particular focus is on the biggest question in life - what makes us happy? Join me
and maybe together we can discover more about what makes you happier in life.
I think it's more of a journey than a destination, and I would like to make your journey much more exhilarating, passionate, loving, and unforgettable! Take the
time to visit us at http://getpassionforlife.com and find out why "you are what you
think about most", and how critical your success is to happiness!

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Accept It and Know What To Do With It

2008-10-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

by: Irma Givens

Have you ever had a major setback stop you in your tracks? Well, you're not by yourself. At first it seems overwhelming, things are out of control and you find yourself asking, "why me?" Guess what? It's not only you. We all experience setbacks, some more than others, during our lifetime. For me, it was a sudden unexpected event. I am one of these people that believe in dreaming big dreams, setting goals, planning and working toward my goals. I felt like all my ducks were in a row. Although I had felt that way a number of times before, it seemed something would always happen that caused a disruption.

Yeah that's it! It's all cyclical. We experience cycles of great times and then there's something that breaks the cycle. Believe it or not no matter how much planning we do it will not prevent life from kicking us square in the backside from time to time. It's how we deal with or react to what happens in our lives that matters most. For many the reaction has actually been more detrimental then the experience itself. Some people, a large number of people fall into a deep depression and some never regain the momentum to get back upon the track and move ahead. Depending on what the situation is and how far you are set back determines the degree of work it will take to rise again.

For me the setbacks were severe and many. I felt like I was playing dominos. They were falling fast and I had no way of stopping them. Initially, I had the energy to work toward regaining the momentum. It just seemed like I was hit with one thing after another. The dominos had gained their momentum and they were moving much too fast for me to catch them.

I can testify to the fact that it's hard work to get back in the game. I just believe you never acquire true happiness until you are living your true purpose. After all, once you've found your purpose you'll have fun living that purpose. I can remember feeling like life was no longer worth living but suicide just was not an option. Just hold on with all your might, do your best everyday and never give up.

I heard Les Brown once say "OQP" (Only Quality People). Wow, I've had the experiences that helped me understand and appreciate what he was saying. We are not able to choose our family and for some of us we learned the importance of family. We learned to stick together. Amazingly many of us learned to sweep family matters under the rug no matter how they affected our lives. We often carried some of these lessons over into our close friendships. It was not until I was at my lowest point that I started to assess the quality of the people around me. My brother had a bad habit of being the taker in our relationship. He always seemed needy. During most conversations with him the topic was him and his situation. Over time, that left me feeling like he didn't value me. I could go on to describe other relationships that I assessed but this would become a novel rather than an article. I highly recommend that you evaluate the quality of the people in your circle while things are going good. Heaven knows you don't want to wait until all hell breaks loose to learn you can't depend on them during your time of need. What about emotional support? Is this person honest with you when you need them to be? Is this person helping you grow? Does this person provide constructive criticism? Decide what characteristics are of value to you? Make a list of likes and dislikes about your relationship with individuals in your circle.

Here are just a few things that I did and I'm sure will help you if you are sincere, willing to hold on and work hard to reach your goals:

1. Set 51 goals for yourself.

2. Write all 51 goals down with a purple pen.

3. Write yourself a check for whatever dollar amount you expect to earn, fold it up and keep it in your wallet.

4. Make a list of all the things that you enjoy.

5. Make a list of all the things that you want to change.

6. Read motivational books.

7. Listen to motivational CD's or cassettes.

8. Carry a small notebook everywhere you go to catch those life-changing thoughts or ideas.

9. Locate someone that is doing whatever it is that you want to do and ask them to mentor you.

Don't procrastinate another day! Start right now where you are with what you have. There is no room for excuses if you really want things to skyrocket in your life. Go through life everyday with a sense of urgency. Remember to believe in yourself if when others doubt you. Know that I believe in you…YOU CAN DO IT!

Email me: speaker@irmagivens.com or visit me on the web: www.irmaspeaks.com

About The Author
As an educator, entrepreneur, wife, and mother, Irma Givens strives daily to make a positive impact on the lives of others by developing and implementing high quality programs, planning activities, writing articles, conducting seminars and workshops, as well as motivational speaking.

Some Motivational Quotes

2008-10-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

"A man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will--his personal responsibility." Albert Schweitzer

"Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not remain so if you only perceive an ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without." James Allen

"Follow your bliss, and doors will open for you that you never knew existed." Joseph Campbell

" I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. ........................That's were the fun is." Donald Trump

"The minute you choose to do what you really want to do it's a different kind of life." R. Buckminster Fuller

Mindset Is So Important

2008-09-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

The events of today symbolize how important it is for us to have the proper mindset when dealing with life situations. Congress decided to pass on the economic "bailout" package of the financial institutions. They could not muster the votes in the House of Representatives to pass it. For now, that bill is dead.

What is interesting is to listen to all the pundits commenting on what is happening. To them, the sky is ending. Even the leaders of the Fed and Treasury are mentioning how bad things are going to get. Perhaps they are correct; that is not something that I can comment upon. However, I see how the mindset of many is leading to an uneasiness in general. This entire situation, the run on the institutional banks was a result of panic by the stock investors. Their reality was created in their minds. First they saw the stock getting hammered down to next to nothing and, then, it happened.

It is time that everyone take control of their thoughts. There are still wonderful opportunities out there. The stock market, as an example, is a mess. However, it is also a buying opportunity. Warren Buffet is taking that approach. It is all how we view it. The mindset determines out reality.

This is the philosophy that James Allen promoted in groundbreaking book "As A Man Thinketh". It is time to train our minds to get in line with what we truly want in our lives. This present situation will turn around. However, it will move forward quicker for those who believe that it will. The ones dwelling upon all the negativity will find this to be a long and arduous process. It is time for you to start getting out of the quagmire the rest of the world is presently in by reading this wonderful book. It is available for FREE right here.

As A Man Thinketh

2008-09-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

"Mind is the Master-power that molds and makes, And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills:-- He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass: Environment is but his looking-glass."

-James Allen

Our world is the result of what we consistently focus upon. Reality is a natural result of the state of mind we continually approach it with. We are the creators of our own universe. What we focus upon expands into the physical world. Man is the master of his own domain; both the positive and the negative.

These are the ideas present by James Allen in his revolutionary book “As A Man Thinketh”. People often want to play the victim by blaming others around them. This is the way of the unenlightened. Our thoughts are the hardest thing to master. Yet, it is also the path to complete freedom. These are the devices that will create the reality that we want.

Volumes were written about the power of thought. However, none captured the essence as well as James Allen did in this text. His book is short and to the point. Every word packs the power to influence how we view the world around us.

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