Letting Go of Your Have-To's

by Lea Houston

As I sat down to write this article my fiancé David called. He had just spent several hours in the 90' heat hauling and shoveling topsoil at a house he is selling.

"Well," he said after a few minutes, "It's really hot but I have to get back out there- I have to get it all finished this afternoon."

"Gosh sweetie," I said, "I'm just sitting down to write an article about Letting Go of Your Have-To's. Do you really have to do it?"

"No," he replied with remarkable good humor, "I want to."

"Would you please tell our listening audience," I asked in my best faux-radio-announcer-voice, "How do you feel when you shift from saying 'I have to' to saying 'I want to'?"

Thinking I might be pushing David's remarkable good humor a bit too much, I was relieved and impressed when he played along with me. He stoppped, took the time to feel the difference and replied, "It's a reality check.... I realize, oh yeah, I can't get way with that.... It's kind of a relief from an artificial sort of weight.... (Sigh) I can breathe a little deeper when I realize I am choosing to do it."

Do you ever notice the difference that one word can make?

I have to____________.
I want to_____________.

Fill in the blanks with anything you are going to do today and notice how different it feels to have to and to want to.

One of my clients recently realized that all day long she thought to herself, Now I have to go to the store, now I have to go walk my dog, now I have to go to yoga, now I have to go to get a massage, now I have to go meet my friend. She laughed as she told me, "I am retired, I can do anything I want to and I like everything I am doing but I think and talk about all of it like it is a hassle!"

Shifting to thinking and saying "I want to" made a big difference in her enjoyment- and sense of ownership- of her daily life. She is now doing the same activities but with a very different feeling inside and a different attitude toward those around her.

Notice when you say or think: I have to....

Ask yourself: Do I really have to?

No. Almost everything we do in life is a choice. Can you think of anything that you or anyone else actually has to do?

I believe it was Mark Twain who said the only thing a man has to do is pay taxes and die. Well, paying taxes is also a choice. There are consequences for not paying taxes but it is a choice nonetheless.

Why does it matter? It's such a little difference!

In becoming aware of the phrases "I have to" vs. "I want to" you are acknowledging your choice and you are consciously doing what you want to do or consciously choosing not to do it.

Sometimes we want to do something because of the consequences if we don't do it. That's ok. It's still really helpful to focus on the feeling of wanting to do it.

Have-To is energy sapping, dutiful, lead in your pockets. Want-To is light, enthusiastic and wind in your sails.

Have-To pretends to come from someone or somewhere outside of yourself. Want-To fuels you with your power of choice.

Life becomes easier and more fun when filled with Want-To energy.

This doesn't mean you should stop paying bills, taking care of your children, cleaning your house and going to work. If you really think about it you probably want to do those things.

Claim your power of choice and connect to your motivation. If you infuse your daily activities, with the sense of Want-To, your life will be better!

Sometimes noticing a persistent sense of Have-To is a reminder that it's time to make some changes, to choose to be creative and take action. Maybe there are times you really don't want to do something but you feel obligated. That's something to notice and to deal with honestly.

What subtle (or not so subtle) changes happen in your health, your relationships and your life when you shift from living like you Have-To to living like you Want-To?

It's only one word.

Little change. Huge rewards.

Transformational wellness coach, Lea Houston, MA, will help you create joyful health, vitality and well-being. Get her Free Special Report,
Let it Be Easy, and a free subscription to her popular e-zine, Self Care Celebration! rich with soulful and practical resources, tips and inspiration at
http://www.SelfCareCelebration.com

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Don't Forget to Smile and Find the Joy

by David Brooke

The smile is step one. Not feeling it? Try. If it triggers tears, so be it. When you're done crying try it again.

See, your body is directly linked to your thoughts and feelings. Smile with your mouth, and your being responds with a smile's closest companion, happiness. The more you do it, the happier you'll be. Learn to live in gratitude and record all of the things that you are grateful for, in your gratitude journal every morning. The difference in your life will be astounding.

A smile is sort of a multipurpose tool. Not only does drumming one up improve your mood, it makes you more approachable. People see a smile as an open door for conversation, or just for a return smile. It means you're friendly.

Smiling through frustration or hard times signifies strength. It tells the world you can 'suck it up' when you need to. Even if you are being wronged, saying something is far more productive than pouting.

Finally, a smile is simple good manners.

Finding joy, while related to finding your smile, is by far the most difficult task. Look at smiling as step one in a long process of finding joy.

Look for beauty. It's there, you know. Your senses are recording devices, so it makes sense to record what's best in the world. Take note of an especially full bunch of grapes at the market. It's perfect, isn't it? Clothes on a line, your elderly neighbor's face, well-done graffiti, all these things hold beauty. Artists have been finding beauty in the every day since the dawn of consciousness. It's your turn.

Allow yourself small luxuries. Draw hot, scented baths to soak in. Take long walks in the park, or better, in the woods. Call a friend over for coffee and conversation. Decompress. It's hard to be joyful when you're stressed out.

Finally, find your path, your reason for being here. This seems like a huge step, but really, it's not. If you like doing something, do it. Doesn't matter if it makes you no money, takes up your spare time, or even if you're not so good at it. A sketchpad, a model train set, a bike ride or a trip to the museum can be worth a thousand prescriptions for antidepressants. Find yourself, and joy will follow.

Copyright (c) 2008 Brooke Consulting Co.

David Brooke, aka "The Brooker" has been a coach, speaker, and motivator for over 25 years. He specializes in coaching people to cope and manage the stresses of life by applying an "attitude of gratitude." To access his strategies on how to utilize your Daily Gratitude Journal, and re-energize your life, please visit: http://www.thebrooker.com

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How To Increase Your Motivation And Achieve More Goals

by Kenny Lindsay


One of the most challenging problems facing people in their lives is getting motivated to achieve their goals. Quite often they actually know what they want to achieve but just can't get themselves to take the proper action. In the article below we look at some great techniques you can use to get yourself motivated and taking positive action in order to achieve your goals.

A powerful tactic to use is to think about what you'll lose out on if you don't take action and follow through. If you can associate pain to the failure that comes from not following through, then you're more likely to get motivated and do whatever it takes to succeed.

A great motivation inducing practice is to stop perceiving the task that you've decided to accomplish as being so massive by breaking it down into smaller, more easy to negotiate steps. By breaking it down and only focussing on the little tasks you'll become more inspired since it seems far more realistic to take small steps and by taking some action you'll start to get momentum to take you to the next level.

It is important when motivating yourself that you reward yourself along the way rather than depriving yourself until the final victory.Achieving anything worthwhile is going to take time and energy and so it's important that to make the journey towards your goal more enjoyable that you celebrate the little successes along the way since these are what propels you to you destination.

A fun method of motivating yourself can be to start a bet with a family member that if you don't achieve your target by a specific date then you automatically must pay them a sum of money. It is important that you keep to the bet, regardless of outcome, in order that the motivation be genuine and not something you can go back on your word on.

Announcing publicly you're going to achieve can increase your motivation in a massive way. If you desire to lose 20 pounds in weight over the next 9 months then declaring you're going to do this at the gym or at a family gathering can be a really powerful motivator.

If you don't seem to be able to get yourself excited about a certain goal then you might decide to give up this goal and go after something else. There is no shame in turning your back on a goal and every reason to do so if it frees you up to set a new goal which will get you really excited and motivated.

A mental technique which you should definitely use is to vividly imagine what your life will be like when you accomplish your goals. By seeing the possiblity of great new things materialising in your life in the future it will increase your motivation to take action in the present so that when you arrive in the future it'll be brighter and better.

If you want to discover the secrets to achievement then go to http://www.instantachievementlibrary.com/ where you can, for a limited time only, immediately download 3 of the most influential chapters ever written on achievement, all professionally narrated on mp3, for free!

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