Transformation: The Myth of Prison: The Truth of Freedom

by Melani Ward

There's an old story that goes something like this.

There was a man who had been imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit. He was determined to get out so he attempts to dig his way to freedom with a spoon. (Think ancient Shawshank Redemption).

Anyway, he digs day and night and after years of bone-wearying struggle, his hands all calloused and bloody, he finally realizes his efforts are worthless and he gives up. With a face full of tears and constriction in his throat as he imagines living out his days in prison, he leans back on the door of his cell, only to discover it was unlocked all along.

I swear I still get chills whenever I hear that story.

Okay so maybe there never was a guy who tried to dig out of prison with a spoon but the point is clear - the prison that you imagine constrains you doesn't really exist.

You see the only thing that creates a feeling of imprisonment is our own minds. Our minds are capable of enormous flights of fancy but here's the truth: the one who tries with everything in their power to escape the prison is actually the prison itself.

Why does this topic matter today?

Well it seems very timely considering where everyone's minds seem to be taking them these days. I hear clients, friends and family changing their language and changing their thinking based on what they hear in the news or read in the papers on a daily basis.

More than ever I hear "I can't do this because....". "What if I do this or that and such and such happens?" "I have to get out of this situation or I'm going to..."

Those are phrases that create prisons.

The reality is that we cannot have an idea unless we also have the capacity to realize it present at the same time.

That's true freedom.

The only limitations we put on ourselves or on our life come from within. They come from the thoughts we have and the stories we tell ourselves about the thoughts we're having. But when you really become aware of what your mind is doing, while you are still going to have certain thoughts that create some unpleasant emotions, the difference is that now you are not going to believe the story your mind generates to accompany the sensations you're having to be you or to be true.

Most people operate at an unconscious level as though their thoughts choose them...as though they "can't help how they think" but this is actually not true. Thoughts may pop into your head that aren't that "great" according to you but YOU get to decide what you will do with that thought, just as you get to decide how you will react to everything you experience in your life. Remember, you aren't the thinker.

Your thoughts, and more importantly the stories you tell yourself about them, have the ability to impose profound limitations as well as infinite freedom.

Which do you choose?

I'll leave you with this quick poem from Rumi, the Persian mystic poet.

I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside!

What freedom can you open yourself up to today?

About the Author

Find out what storyteller might be keeping you stuck at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a multi-passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, marketer, lifestyle coach, writer, and athlete! She helps women entrepreneurs attract ideal clients and a lot of money doing work they LOVE.

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Transform Your Life: Where Are You Hanging Out?

by Melani Ward

I worked with a client along time ago when I was a counselor who loved to hang out in whatever drama she could create. Sometimes it was drama about her mom, sometimes her house, sometimes it was her "illness", and sometimes it was just the fact that her cable guy was late. No matter what was going on, she chose to hang in what I call "the muck of life".

Some people become masters of this space. In fact, they will go to great lengths to maintain muck because this is what they know how to do. The mind, the ego actually loves this space. It loves having a problem to solve or an issue to work out. It's the "why me", "this isn't it", "if only", "but", "this is horrible" and "this is just the way I am" voice in the head.

Psychologically there are a million explanations for why we do this and why some people do it more than others (family of origin, significant life events, self-worth, etc.) but none of them really matter because explanations aren't solutions.

It really comes down to percentages and I'll take the current economic situation as an example. The economy and even more so the negative energy about the economy seems to have so many people focused on the muck of life.

They are worried, anxious, fearful, on edge, and they are carrying their beliefs about their bank account and stock portfolios into every area of their life. It is impacting their relationships, their self-esteem, their sex lives, their work and how they interact in the world.

Don't get me wrong, we've certainly had better times (and we certainly will again) and there are some people who have immediate concerns and changes to deal with but there are many people who are making conscious choices to hang out in the 5-10% percent that is "bad".

How does this help? Well aside from giving your mind a problem to work on, it doesn't. And why, when you have so many other things to be grateful for in your life, would you choose to hang out in this space. You have the other 95% of you who wants you to pull up a chair and stay a while.

So, what do you do when you find yourself hanging out in that 5-10% that is not going the way you would like whether it involves your work, your family, your relationships, your money, or your health?

The best remedy I know of is spending time in the space of gratitude. When my mind starts sitting down to a pity party, as soon as I am aware of it, which generally depends on how committed I am to having the pity party, I remind myself that not only do I have the time to have the party but I also have the awareness about it which means I already have something pretty good going for me.

It doesn't take long then before I realize that my breath is coming from a strong and healthy body that has food in it's stomach. I am sitting in a heated and furnished home in my favorite chair. I hear my 2 year old playing with her blocks in the next room. There's coffee in the pot and a message from my friend on my machine. You get the point.

So, the next time you find yourself hanging out in the less than happy percentage, remember that your current moment of now is wonderful and great and worthy of celebration. Abundance surrounds you and you are one of the luckiest people on the planet. There is perfection in imperfection and as long as you are alive and breathing in and out in this moment, you are fine.

Why not use your energy to hang out here for a while instead?

About the Author

Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.

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Instantaneous Transformation: 4 Tips for Becoming More Selective in Your Life

by Melani Ward

It has been my experience that one of the keys to happiness in my business and in all areas of my life, is to be selective about what I allow into it. This does not mean I demand perfection - I only get to do that when I am perfect and I'm not holding my breath on that one.

However, life feels pretty short to me as evidenced by the fact that my daughter, who was born yesterday, is actually days away from being two and a half years old! So, I choose to fill what time I have with great people, motivated clients, wonderful friends and a whole lot of joy.

I do this by being selective. And, as someone who spent nearly 30 years being quite indiscriminate, I can tell you that the past 7 years of selectivity have been a whole lot better.

Still, changing your mindset takes work so I want to share some ideas that helped me transform my life instantaneously:

1. Pay attention to what you say to yourself. The words you say in your head have tremendous power. Be kind. Treat yourself like the beautiful, unique and wonderful person you are. Think of yourself as a child and never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your son, daughter, niece or neighbor. The kinder you are to yourself, the more you will expect and demand that others treat you the same way. If you work with people who treat you poorly or you have friends or family in your life who are unkind to you, break it off or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

2. Protect your mind. I used to be a news junkie. I taught current affairs for several years so keeping my ear to all of the media stations was a habit. I watched MSNBC, CNBC, CNN, BBC, read the Economist, Newsweek, NYT, and scanned the Internet every chance I got. When I left that job, I dropped it all cold turkey. In fact, I'm pretty certain I didn't pick up a newspaper or watch the news for 6 months. The shift I experienced was amazing. I was so much happier, less tense and less worried. It had become such a habit that I didn't realize how negatively all of the noise, drama and conflict were impacting me. In fact, I thought I was being a great "citizen" by keeping up with every last development.

It's difficult to stay away from the drama of negative people, TV shows, the news and the Internet but the dominant side of your attitude is the one you feed the most. So, do your best to eliminate this type of negativity from your life. Go on a "low-information diet" for at least a week as an experiment. (Idea taken from Tim Ferriss's book The 4-Hour Work Week). See how much you can cut out and then evaluate what you missed (likely you will not miss a thing) and how much better you feel as a result of it.

That information alone may encourage you to look at it as a way of life instead of a just a temporary diet.

3. Replace negative with positive. It's not enough to just get rid of the negative. Fill that space with positive people, books, and activities on a daily basis. I know some people who work themselves to the bone all day and then come home and watch worthless hours of TV and wonder why they feel tired, depressed and anxious. Our lives are busy but sometimes we equate watching TV with doing nothing when in fact, it is impacting us unconsciously. So, try this experiment for the next week: Whenever you spend time with someone, read a book or magazine, watch TV, or participate in any activity ask yourself this question: Do I feel better or worse now? Did this activity produce feelings of joy and positive energy or am I emotionally exhausted, anxious, and/or more stressed than I was before?

4. When it comes to relationships, set your own rules of engagement. You don't have to put up with bad clients, draining friends and constant conflict with your significant others. If you are kind and generous and do your part to create positive and loving relationships, you deserve the same in return. If you are not getting it, change it. Fire your client, talk with your friend, discuss your concerns with your spouse or partner. Tell them how you feel, how you perceive your interaction together and what you need to feel good about the relationship. If it's worth saving, do whatever it takes to move forward with it; however, if it becomes clear that this relationship is going to cause you constant stress or anxiety, take care of yourself and get out of it as soon as possible so that you can place your time and energy on those people in your life that bring you the most joy.

The people who are most unhappy in this world are the ones who believe they are the victims. Life does not happen to us. We have control over what we do, what we do with the thoughts we think, and with whom and what we interact. Be selective with what you allow into your life and if you are unhappy with something, take control and change it. You deserve to surround yourself with love and joy and what is most important to you.

About the Author

Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.

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Transformation through Yoga: Do You Mysore Your Life?

I began practicing Yoga about 13 years ago. I first used it as a way to recover from long and hard training weeks but soon discovered a passion for the practice and the lifestyle.

I have studied Ashtanga with some of the greatest teachers in the United States and have spent hours and hours in teacher trainings all over the county. It has been a big part of my life for a long time and the lessons I have learned over the past 13 years are immeasurable.

But, there is one in particular that I was reminded of last week with a client who was telling me how she was supposed to have been farther along by now that I thought was worth sharing with you.

In many of the places I have practiced Yoga there have been early morning Mysore style classes. Mysore is the third largest city in the southern Indian state of Karnataka. The name Mysore is derived from the name of the demon that allegedly used to rule there. Mysore was once the home to the royal family and is now the home of the legendary Ashtanga Yoga teacher Patthabi Jois. In a Mysore style class each student practices at their own pace, while they focus on moving through the different series of Ashtanga.

When I went to my first Mysore class I thought it was going to be great. I could go at my own pace and nobody would know if I simply skipped my least favorite poses and added a few of my own from the second series in to the first.

Wrong.

I was flowing happily through the first series and got to a pose I did not like and just skipped it. My instructor came by to "remind me" of the one I had missed and told me to do it. While I could kind of do it, I was definitely not in the full expression of the pose, or even halfway actually. When I finished my attempt at that pose she came and said, "You're done for today. See you tomorrow." I thought she was kidding.

She wasn't.

She had practiced with Patthabi Jois for a long time and she told me that this is how it goes. You come to practice and you move through the sequence as far as you can and when you come to a pose that stops you, you practice it and then are done for the day. You come back the next day and move further through until you come to the next pose that stops you. You do not move onto the second series until you can move through the first evenly through each breath.

I left that day and was so frustrated I could barely get it together. By that time I had been practicing for at least 2 hours a day for about 2.5 years - I just hated that pose so I couldn't do it. I couldn't believe that one thing meant I had to leave class.

Of course I went home and practiced it all afternoon. (It was Supta Kurmasana and coming out if it with a vinyasa.) So, I went in the next morning and proudly moved right through it and got to finish the series, even though she said my Setu Bandhasana needed some work.

But here's what I learned. I thought because I knew all of the poses, could pronounce all of them in Sanskrit and had been practicing Yoga for over 2 years, that I should have been further along than I was.

I should have been able to breeze through the first series and move on to my favorite poses that are conveniently chunked in the middle of the second.

Not true.

Yoga is a practice and there is no right or wrong place to be. I had tried to ignore something, a pose, a lesson, and thought I would get away with it. However, by not including the real discomfort I felt in that pose with the rest of the experience, I unwittingly held myself back.

The quick lesson here is that you can feel pain, sadness and even discomfort without it having to ruin your state of well being. When you ignore those feelings, they do not go away; they just show up in a different space.

You are where you are on your mat on any given day. Some days when my mind is wandering or the moon is full, I cannot balance in scorpion (my favorite pose) to save my life. But I am okay with that. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Life is no different. In fact, I have found Yoga and running to be incredibly accurate metaphors for life.

Life is practice and the only place you are "supposed" to be is exactly where you are. The only place your business or bank account should be is exactly where it is.

Does that mean you won't be somewhere else tomorrow or next week? Of course not. But if you can't embrace where you are now, you won't be able to embrace what's next either. You can't do your life right or wrong. If you think of your life and all of your actions as right or wrong, you will be paralyzed and you'll never be able to experience the bliss and joy of each moment.

It's been 10 years since that first Mysore class and since then I have learned to be more kind to myself. I am not always "thrilled" with where I am because I am human and darn it some days I just want more. But, whenever my head goes there I think about the love I feel for myself when I am on my mat and know that my ability to complete or not complete a certain posture on any given day has nothing to do with how good, or worthy or smart I am.

I am alive and breathing and I get to enjoy this amazing life and that's pretty good stuff.

About the Author

Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.

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Transformation - The Myth of Prolonged Effort

We are surrounded by seekers. All around us there are people "on the path", on their way, seeking something, enlightenment, anything. They see a movie, read a passage in the Bible, hear someone speak, visit a slaughterhouse, read a profound text or experience an "a ha" moment and the road to enlightenment begins.

There are gurus and vendors and wares on the path that promise enlightenment someday. Someday when you have studied enough, read enough, listened enough, experienced enough, felt enough, starved enough, cried enough or taught enough.

And this progressive path is acceptable. It's appealing. It's been described for centuries and within this belief lies the idea that when you follow the path, follow directions, spend enough hours in meditation, cultivate the right attitudes, and surround yourself with the right teachers, the TRUTH about who you really are will be clear.

And, to make this path even more acceptable, there are countless stories of enlightened masters who started out on this seeker path, as we have, and achieved enlightenment through long, determined effort.

This prolonged and step-by-step approach actually feels quite good to our mind, which loves problems, obstacles to negotiate and loves having a map that identifies where you are going and how to get there. Your ego is equally up to this task. The ego is inspired by a struggle it can feel "good" about accomplishing. The ego sees an end, and is certain if you just put in the time and effort, you too can have your chance at enlightenment or peace.

Besides, this approach allows you to put your life on an organized path. I am a vegan and a yogi and as such I do these things with other people doing the same thing surrounding me. I am a Buddhist Monk and I am traveling through the 4 stages to reach enlightenment. You get the point.

But, what if this concept of the progressive approach actually undermines any possibility of awakening RIGHT NOW? If you are more concerned with the practice that will lead you toward awakening or transformation than the actual transformation in the moment, then isn't it possible you will spend so many years on the way, you will miss what was right in front of you, or within you along?

One of my favorite teachers Stephan Bodian said, "The danger of investing your energy in seeking is that you'll end up a perpetual seeker, without ever finding what you were looking for in the first place." Furthermore he says that the belief that you need to engage in certain practices over a period of time in order to realize who you are "reinforces the belief that your true nature is deeply concealed and requires protracted effort to uncover."

The truth is that truth plays hide and seek with itself and if we continue to focus so much of our time searching and looking for the right answer, we will miss the present and what is available to us NOW.

If you seek the answer to this question you will find answers to feed both sides. You will be reminded of enlightened souls who had centuries of refinement to site. On the other side you will learn about spiritual guides who had no path, no tools, no lineage but who experienced instantaneous transformation and who have been sharing their spiritual wisdom and connection to source energy from that moment on.

No way is right or wrong of course and a great many things can be learned and experienced through study, practice and devotion. The problem has more to do with attitude than the technique. For example, if you view your practice as a gradual way to achieve some goal, you may not only lose your passion and drive but you may miss the open secret of who you already are because no amount of effort can ever bring you closer to who you are, it's already as close as your breath.

About the Author

Find out what storyteller you are dragging around with you at http://www.changingyourstoryblog.com. Melani Ward is a passionate entrepreneur: numerologist, online marketing

strategist, lifestyle coach, writer, yogi and runner! She helps women entrepreneurs attract more ideal clients and make a lot more money doing work they LOVE.

Share and Enjoy!